Indian Food Relationship status: It's Complicated.

 As I have traveled across the world, the one thing I know for sure is food is what defines a culture. It is one of the first things you notice when you visit and one of the first things you miss from home. Food is what creates comfort and normalcy in our life and without familiar food, it is difficult to feel content in the long term. 

I've written extensively about my complicated relationship with Indian food.  Growing up in a typical Midwestern US home, food items served and available to me were hearty and tasty, but not overly seasoned or spicy. I enjoy the wide variety of options of American food and although I have some aversions, I consider myself a pretty typical eater.

My first exposure to Indian food was very late in life, after meeting my husband. He cooked a few items for me that I found delicious and others that I took home and threw away. He was excited to share his cultural foods with me and as most Americans, I was exposed to the more 'restaurant-style' foods which are not regularly eaten in India except on special occasions.  I always share the story that my husband told me that as a kid, they would only eat Chicken once a week max. This is pretty hard to fathom, but after learning more about the food that is typically eaten in India, I can now see how that is true.

Many of our trips to India have been with the purpose of a wedding or holiday where large groups of family members are visiting.  It is typical during these times to hire a cook to prepare the food outside or on the rooftop.  I was intrigued by this idea when I first learned this is what was going to happen, and spent time watching the process during my early visits.  The food they typically cook is rice, lentils, and a vegetable curry mixture.  Everyone seems quite satisfied to eat it day after day and it is served in large quantities and typically eaten with your right hand scooped directly into your mouth.

While I have partaken in these meals numerous times, on this visit I have been challenged by the healthy food journey I started in July.  It always seems a bit confusing for my Indian relatives how I am not overly interested in eating these items or even more so on this visit as I tried to explain that food high in carbs are not something I am eating. They react with the same curiosity as one would feel when trying to understand what an exotic animal eats, which is both entertaining and dehumanizing at the same time.  I appreciate all the concern for my well-being, but being singled out so often is difficult in terms of trying to fit in and I find that disappearing at eating time is generally the best remedy.

This trip I didn't experience the deep sadness I've felt and written about in the past related to food. I think this is mainly because I have become accustomed to eating less and brought along some protein-rich packaged foods to hold me over.  There are a few American-type restaurants like McDonalds or Dominos Pizza that can be used to fill in gaps, but often times the items available are just strange enough to be unappealing. (Pizza with corn on it 😣)

I'm not sure that I will ever make peace with my Indian food aversions and likely need to surrender to the life as an exotic animal whose eating habits are neither clear or understood.  I've decided after 15 years that this isn't a battle I'll ever win or wish to compete in. It's somewhere that I just need to be me and let everyone just keep their hands away from the cage. 

The cooks outside the house. In an entertaining language exchange I somehow misunderstood that one of the cooks was the brother of the deceased grandfather, which I felt was a strange task for an elder relative. I found out later he was the brother of the original cook, not a family member.

I snuck this picture outside of the living room window where they cook. This was goat curry day, which I did eat some of!

A few dining pictures.Shivali is my new sacrificial lamb when it comes to eating. 

One of my favorite things about India is all the little shops right outside that are an easy walk to look for acceptable snack items.  I didn't eat much this trip, but this Winkie guy knows what he is doing. These were delish!

What I Took From India

 Many years ago I was scheduled to go to India for work. The trip would have involved a business class flight, many weeks in a 5-star hotel, a driver, and unlimited American food options.  Right before I was set to leave, budget changes caused that trip to be canceled and would never be rescheduled.  At the time it was very disappointing as I had been excited to follow in the footsteps of so many of my peers and go to India to work with our overseas staff.   What I would come to realize down the road is that I was never meant to see India like that. My destiny with India was set to be much different, but of course, I didn't know that at that time.  In my dozen trips to India, I've mostly stayed with family, and only rarely have I stayed in a hotel.  We have stayed in some nice hotels, none anywhere near the caliber I would have stayed at as a business traveler.  That has given me the opportunity to see and experience things in India that I may not have otherwise seen.

Having traveled around like an Indian citizen, I've learned more about the culture and standards than most visitors would ever do.  I've ridden around on the back of a motorcycle, taken countless auto rickshaw rides, and walked the crowded and dusty streets.  I've seen all walks of life from the elderly ladies who sit outside temples begging for money to the elite driving high-end sports cars.  India has a huge separation of class and although there is a lot of middle-tier people who work decent jobs, it is the many who live in the slum areas that always strike me as the most tragic. You see their camps set up all over with the tarp coverings and people outside cooking and kids playing in the dirt. I've witnessed this level of poverty all over India, and although it feeds the stereotype of 'poor India', it is a reality that has stuck with me as I examine my own level of life and success. It's impossible to appreciate what you have until you really understand and see for yourself how others live. 

Although I have written extensively about my feelings of isolation and how being a caucasian person in India has impacted my feelings on growing up in a predominately caucasian area, I have been treated almost exclusively with a high level of respect and genuine curiosity during my travels. It can be intimidating to be an only one of anything in large groups of something else, but I can honestly say that I have next to never felt scared or in any type of danger. Even amongst my Indian relatives, I am likely one of the few Americans they have ever seen/known/been around, but yet they have consistently gone out of their way to address my comfort and understanding. They have put my needs well above theirs in virtually every scenario and if they have any ill feelings have never shown that to me or acted in a way that made me feel like they didn't want me around. It is for this reason that I am grateful for all the experiences I have had attending weddings and holiday events where we gather in large groups.  Although challenging for me being so accustomed to personal space and a different level of comfort, I have a very in-depth first-hand knowledge of what it is like to live amongst Indian people. 

Being raised as a practicing Catholic, we attended Church every Sunday and I went to a Catholic school for 8 years, so I feel like I know what it is like to live a fairly religious life.  As an adult, I've become more relaxed in my practice, but still have a fairly high regard for the faith.  Being exposed to the Hindu faith has given me a whole new view on religion.  Although on the surface, the religions are very different, at the core they are quite the same.  The one thing that always strikes me about Hinduism is how deeply rooted the faith is in their everyday life.  Countless festivals are celebrated primarily in religious ways with much praying, rituals, fasting, etc. and everyday activities like buying a car or even getting a haircut and sweeping the floor, the beliefs of Hinduism is deeply ingrained.  For me personally, I can respect and admire the dedication and passion for these activities without feeling like I need to get too deeply engaged myself.  I've participated in many rituals and have enjoyed witnessing the events, but many of the practices and beliefs end up being a bit too much for me. Nonetheless, exposure to a different religion has been beneficial to me in developing my own spirituality. 

As I shake off the remaining symptoms of jet lag, I sit here satisfied that I was included in so many fun and interesting events of the last few weeks in India.  I look back on the pictures and recall so many moments from this trip that have brought me joy and will continue to pop back up in my mind until the next adventure.   For now, the realization that my bed is the absolutely perfect place to be is my best takeaway from this trip.

One Last Cold Shower for the Road

Well, the time has come to head back home. I slept one last night in the A/C cave, haven fallen asleep to the sounds of very loud drumming and laughter outside our door. The rituals of yesterday came with a guy and his drum who sleeps near the statue or sometimes on the roof.

I find it’s easier when I don’t join in on these festivities. They always want you to dance, stay up late, and eat questionable snacks. Besides, I was ready to complete my last night in this house so I can start pointing my nose towards home.

The festival activities yesterday were long and extensive. They start when the priest arrives and sets up and uncovers the statue’s face. He then starts his chants and prayers.

At times people gather around or participate, then at the end of that segment the blessed foods will be passed out to all. It’s considered rude to deny this, so I try and take it whenever possible even if it means giving it to Roy later or stashing it when nobody is looking. In general, the women participate most in the events so I usually end up sitting in the room of men playing on my phone or staring into outer space. I’m typically just sitting around waiting for someone to tell me we are doing something.

The most fun part of the festival for me is the dressing up. They love to see me in a sari, so today I obliged, at least until it got too hot and we made a plan to go shopping. 

Leaving is always bittersweet for me. Although I love to go home and can’t wait to see my family, my Indian family treats me very well and is always very concerned and attentive to my well-being and for that I am eternally thankful.

The Hindu Holiday Dilemma

Much of my time in India has been spent being a part of some of the various Hindu holiday festivals.  These things are very complicated here, as the same festival is celebrated in millions of different ways based on region and even family. Hindus are extremely religious and the festivals are entirely based on religious praise, rituals, and offerings. Being raised Catholic, although I’ve tried to search for similarities, most of the comparisons end with stark differences. 

I’ve participated in most of the rituals, most of the time under strict instructions, having no clue what’s going on or what I’m supposed to do. I do it mainly to be included and to not appear disrespectful, but the worshiping of statues and offerings to various gods isn’t really in my religious wheelhouse. 

This week’s rituals started with the construction of a fire and the lighting of candles in the prayer room. Everyone was given either a full stripe (married women) or a small stripe of sindoor powder and took a visit to the prayer room. The food offering was then handed out to everyone. It seemed like banana tacos to me, but I somehow politely avoided a try. 

The next day an assembly of items was put together that I was told would be offered to the sun god. I wasn’t sure exactly what that would involve. The street outside the house we are staying was decorated and this carpet was laid down. Blaring loud religious music was playing from loudspeakers all day. I’m told that before COVID and the eldest Aunt became ill, we would follow this path down to the Ganges River along with thousands of others to lay the offering on the banks.

 

Instead, we took an auto rickshaw down to the Ganges to retrieve water to fill up a baby pool on the roof. Yes, this really happened. Then the next eldest Aunt gets in the pool of Ganges water and holds each of these offering baskets made earlier in the day. Periodically someone is instructed to poor more of the holy (Ganges) water on her or the offering basket she is holding. 

The evening then ended with fireworks.

The last festival is coming up tomorrow. It’s a celebration of Goddess of the Universe- it’s a form of the Goddess celebrated during Dusshra what I wrote about a few years ago. These sweet cookie type things were made. They tasted kinda like gingerbread. Then the front porch type area was cleaned and this giant statue was wheeled in. I’m told a priest is coming tomorrow and at that time her face can be uncovered. Stay tuned!

 

Relative-ly Ready to Go Home

 I was quite certain that the process involved with staying with relatives in Patna would be challenging, but so far that has exceeded my expectations.  On one hand, I feel a bit guilty, as Shivali and I were given a special room with AC and a large, thick mattress. It also has a private bathroom, is on the ground floor and I'm told that everyone is informed not to enter. As much as I dislike being singled out, there are times it isn't just appreciated but necessary.  Accommodations here are rustic. This is a word I use a lot here because it is the best way I know how to compare to what I am accustomed to. It would be kind of like you rented a old cabin in the woods. That's the only way I know how to explain it.

                                                        Our safe space. LOL. The AC cage.

There are around 40 people staying at this house, and although it is fairly large in size, the congestion and chaos is borderline insane.  Everyone is very excited for the festival activities, but it's difficult for me to get too excited about praying to the 'sun god' and eating strange food combinations. I do my absolute best to not come across disrespectfully, but there is very little for me here.  I am here 100% for the benefit of my husband who loves these types of get-togethers with family.

Being raised in a very small family, I may not have the exposure to appreciate a gathering of this size. Everyone seems close and familiar to each other, yet they are many times what I would call distant relatives- if related at all.  At some level, I am envious of the strong connections and the sense of genuine fun and excitement they get from being around each other. It is both endearing and lovely to witness.   For me personally, it brings up a lot of feelings of isolation and loneliness, which sounds odd being around so many people, but let me put that in perspective for you.  Only 10% of people staying in this house speak English. Most of them are not accustomed to speaking it, so don't prefer to and aren't super comfortable.  Most of the time, the spoken language is completely unknown even though I know some words there is not enough there to follow along.  I've described this before as something like background music. I almost forget that there is a sound because I get so accustomed to ignoring it.

Then comes the food issue. The type of food served at a gathering like this is very typical Indian.  Not the type of Indian you get a Indian restaurant back home, but very typical fried vegetables and bread. Sometimes there is rice and dal (lentils), but it all pretty much looks and tastes the same and is rarely something I care to eat much.  Being on a healthy lifestyle right now, I am pretty much staying away from it all the time which is both alarming and concerning to my Indian relatives.  They don't understand things like protein water and fresh fruit for meals, but it works for me so I just roll with it.  I sometimes imagine transporting this group of people to my place and watching them attempt to survive on American food. I can only guess that they would feel pretty much the same.

After 12 days of adventure, I am well past the point of being ready to go home.  The problem is we have 4 more days to go staying here at this location.  As always, I'll do my very best to survive and get along.

Enlightenment in Progress

Roy was born and raised in the small northern town of Gaya. He says it’s the geographical size of  Green Bay, and although I struggle to grasp to size, it feels more like Little Chute to me with the population of Chicago. 

The town next door is called Bodhgaya and is a world-famous destination for Buddhists due to its origination of the religion. 

The plane here was 95% Buddhists and unlike most other places in India, the area has a fair amount of Caucasians which is always a welcome addition. Because the area is where Buddhism started, it is a constant pilgrimage destination, especially in the cooler winter months. 

We started out early to avoid the crowds and the heat. The temples are very elaborate and beautiful. It almost feels like we left India for a much further Eastern country. The temples are strewn all across one corner of the town and are free to visit. They are very beautiful and elaborate. 

The most visited temple is the location of the banyan tree that Buddha allegedly spent months or years under becoming enlightened, which resulted in the creation of Buddhism. There is a temple there that was apparently unearthed at some point where the monks come to meditate and chant. 

I was excited to visit this area because who doesn’t need a little enlightenment. I was sad to find out we couldn’t take any cameras inside due to an incident with a bomb a number of years ago. 

I was able to find pictures online so obviously someone snuck in a camera or they are from prior to the rule change. The banyon tree is a sapling from the original and is in a lovely shaded area where you can just sit on a cool marble ledge and contemplate life. I can’t confirm or deny I left more enlightened, but I definitely felt privileged for the opportunity to visit.