Was there really a Wedding?

There's an old saying:  If a tree falls in the middle of the woods and nobody is there to see it, does it make a noise?   The same is true about a wedding that happens in the middle of the night, right?  If nobody is there to witness it, did it really happen?   Strange question, right?  Yet I find myself asking it.

The wedding morning started as many in India do, guests waking up randomly at different times and being served tea by the ever-eager uncles in charge of the food.  I'm not sure if this is an official role or just something they like to do, but it ends up working pretty well, as the kitchen staff is really just there to prepare the food and not much else.

I was aware from prior weddings that the morning or day before a ceremony is held where a turmeric paste is smeared on the body of the person getting married, a bunch of rituals and things are done to the person, primarily by married family ladies, and then that same turmeric paste is scraped off and brought to the other person's house and the same is done to them.  Although I'm not big on rituals, I've always thought this one was quite romantic.

They even put the turmeric on each other, and especially love to see it on me!

For the ceremony, it is typical for everyone to wear something yellow.  My husband neglected to inform me of this in the past, so I made sure I had something prepared this time, and as you can see, the dress code is pretty strictly followed.  I stand out enough, no need to invite more by wearing black or something in my usual wardrobe.   

The ceremony goes pretty quick, I basically stand there just doing whatever they tell me, not really knowing why or what. (typical)  

I was then asked to join a group of elders to go over to the bride's house and deliver the turmeric and visit.  I hadn't met anyone from their side yet, so this sounded like a fun idea.  We all piled in a few different cars, and before long, Indian Eric had us over there.  

It initially felt kinda like a mob visit must feel; lots of people silently greeting us and being escorted into a backroom where we all sit around and quietly be served snacks and drinks.  Their family elders kept coming in and out and serving different types of snacks and drinks.  I try everything as I know it is rude not to, and honestly, I'm just having a good time and enjoying the moment, so it didn't feel like much of an issue.

Before long, a few of the ladies are brought to the back of the house where the bride is.  She is still getting ready at this point, and I can imagine she is very nervous to meet all these family members, let alone have them in her room while she is getting ready.  Everywhere we go, the bride's family members are standing around observing us. I can only imagine what they were thinking of me!  They were very sweet and polite, and as soon as we returned to the original room, more snacks and drinks appeared.  The bride went down to this decorated small room, where I think they were going to do the rituals.  She seemed very sweet and down-to-earth to me, so I instantly had a good feeling about how this was going to go.   On the way out, the bride's grandmother handed each person an envelope full of cash.  I had no idea this was going to happen or I surely would have been more excited to go!  Snacks AND cash, what more could you want!

As soon as we got back to the guest house, it was time to start getting ready for the wedding.  There was a flurry of activity as all the ladies (specifically) put on elaborate outfits and accessories, many of whom I assisted with their hair and use of my makeup.  We were told to be ready by 6:30pm, but as per normal, nothing here happens timely and I knew we likely wouldn't go anywhere for hours after that.

After all the typical photo shoots, the groom appeared and was promptly put into a decorated car.  

Indian Eric the driver

I was told that there was a 'bus' waiting for us outside, but we opted for a trip with Indian Eric.  We got a few blocks down only to discover nobody knew where we were going.  After some calls and discussion with those still at the guest house, I kept hearing that we were in fact not going to the wedding venue, but a place nearby for some type of procession.  I should know by now that nothing here just happens; it is always about a show and a grand reveal, and this next activity did NOT disappoint.

We finally arrived at the designated location to find loud music, snacks, tea, and a full band.  The groom in the decorated car was also sitting here patiently waiting.  We then proceeded to follow this band, truck blaring loud music, and these people holding lighted umbrellas all the way to the wedding venue while family members danced down the street.  It was WILD.

After several hours of pre-wedding festivity, we arrived at the wedding venue, and as the groom started some rituals outside, we were escorted inside to find food and drink stations everywhere.  The hotel was very nice, and the food was excellent.  The groom was then put up on a stage in this fancy chair, where he basically just sits and is photographed for what feels like hours before the bride comes in and joins him.  I thought at this point the wedding would start, but they just sat there well past 2am, when I was told many of us were taking the bus back home!

I learned later on that the wedding rituals did take place on the roof (in the cold!) and didn't conclude until 4 or 5am, and the remaining relatives returned to the guest house.  I don't think the bride and groom ever sleep, as 'wedding night' activities don't happen until much later on in the week.

I have since seen a few pictures of these rooftop rituals happening, so I guess that the 'wedding' itself did in fact happen, but timing here will never be something I understand or will make sense to me.  As with most things, nobody seems particularly bothered, so I've tried to follow this same logic as well.   I was told the next day would be full R&R, but was woken up by Roy at 7am, being told the bride and groom were coming there, and I needed to be present for some rituals.  I reluctantly got up, found the cooks to make a big cup of coffee, and carried out my sister-in-law duties.  

Next up: Shopping & Starbucks!

What exactly is a Lodge?

We purposely flew into India a few days before any wedding activities would happen, so we could have a little R&R buffer before the relative overload and all the festivities begin.  We also chose to stay at a Hilton on the other side of town from where relatives live, so we could be assured a bit of distance from any obligatory visits or task assignments related to the wedding.  

Having never been in Varanasi, I didn't really have a frame of reference for how similar or different it would be from Bangalore.  It didn't feel overly different, with the common street conditions, population, and traffic situation, but the weather this time of year was certainly glorious.  Mid 50-60 degrees, light sun and wind.  I loved it.  In fact, in the morning and evening, it was downright chilly, which isn't something I  minded at all.

We stayed at the Hilton Doubletree in Varanasi for the first 3 nights.  The hotel grandly sits among the 'normal' city streets and garbage piles, but once you pull past the gates, it does appear as if you have left the country.  Hotels like this in India are generally well run and clean, but typically have the Indian quirks I have mentioned before such as torn carpet, inconsistent amenities in each room (we had a hair dryer, the other room did not), and strange functionality (TVs that only work certain times of day, you have to call the front desk for hot water, etc).  Our stay here was rather quiet, and we just shopped and relaxed, but shortly, it was time for us to move over to the wedding venue area.

Roy swears he told me we were staying at a 'lodge' during the wedding days, but I am certain if I had heard this word, I would have questioned more about what exactly this is.  As with most things in India, familiar names are not what they mean back home.  I pretty much knew I wasn't in for a mountain top rustic hotel overlooking ski slopes with a roaring fire; in fact, the only thing correct was the 'rustic' part.  Not so much in a charming way, but more in a basic way.  It turned out to be fine, and in fact was fun to occupy this entire place with family members, wedding rituals, and impromptu dance parties.  The lodge is basically like a guest house or boutique hotel that you can rent a room in or the entire place (as we did), including the kitchen area and banquet hall.  The 'catering' involved is hiring your own cooks and bringing in your own food for them to prepare on some type of schedule each day.  The lodge had something like 10 actual rooms (with attached bathrooms), but many of the older relatives opted to sleep on mattresses kept around the perimeter of the banquet hall.  Sleeping on the floor, and next to whomever you wind up next to, is really common here and doesn't seem to bother anyone much.  I suppose if a room with a bed were available, they would take it, but in its absence, this seems to work just fine for the overflow folks.

The Lodge

Staircase to 2nd floor

3rd floor skylight? 

Scenic terrace

Outside the lodge- I tried to tell Shivali this was her room after Roy and I went to preview. lol. I did see the hotel workers lounging back here. 😬

Bathrooms off the banquet hall area.

Where Shivali & I slept

It dud have AC and the power only went out a few times (I think we supplied a generator). I’m not sure if the tv worked as we never even attempted it.

Exploring outside. Not sure if this was someone’s house or what??

Our bathroom. Not great, but hot water!

Elder overflow.

There is a certain fun camaraderie that comes from staying like this for 4 days.  Although cramped and more rustic than I would normally prefer, it worked out just fine and added to the fun of the occasion. As normal family gatherings occur, a few of the older uncles end up taking charge of the kitchen activities and help with picking up groceries, dictating the menu, and directing the kitchen workers on making tea and snacks.   The first morning, I was asked what I wanted to eat or drink (they never seem to know or are quite sure if I will ever find food without them), and I asked if there was coffee.  One of the in-charge uncles ran out for some, as most of the folks here drink tea.  By the end of the 4 days, I was working directly with the kitchen folks, and they were experts in American-style coffee. They seemed to enjoy me showing up with my huge pink Stanley and knew exactly why I was there. In broken English/Hindi, we bonded over stories of home, food, and drinks. 

 I think I surprise people a bit by being so down to earth with anyone and everyone (India is still very 'caste' driven, and kitchen workers aren't considered very high tier).  I don't have that upbringing, nor is it in my nature to treat anyone differently, so I never do.  In fact, we had some of the most fun times with the drivers, cleaners, and hotel workers.

Saif, our personal chauffeur to Delhi- more on that later

Indian Eric, we tormented him for photos everyday to prove he resembled my cousin

The Lucky Charms guy who cleaned at the hotel.

Indian Eric again 

Apparently you have to supervise these guys when they clean, which was super awkward.

The monkey hunter at the hotel. (It’s an air gun to scare them away- monkeys are very aggressive here. He wanted me to think it was a machine gun)

So, overall, I'm here to report back that if you find yourself in India and someone mentions you should stay at a Lodge, you don't need to run in the opposite direction, although I always highly advise scoping out the facilities before committing (this is common in India- even at big hotels).  You'll probably be just fine with a bit of adjusting, some open-minded realism, and of course, my favorite trick of light-hearted, roll-with-the-punches attitude.