A Religious Experience Like No Other

Hindu families will periodically request a priest to come to their home and perform a religious ceremony for good luck or to bless an event.  Roy's family had requested this to occur for both Roy and my marriage as well as the birth of the baby and overall family well being. 

I wasn't totally sure what to expect.  One day when we came home from shopping, the priest was here discussing the specifics.  He didn't look overly priest-like, he was young dressed in plain clothing but I have seen many Hindu priests and know they look differently when they do their prayer ceremonies.

The morning of the ceremony, we cleaned the whole house thoroughly and cleared the living room completely of furniture.  Roy and his Dad went shopping for a whole list of items including fruits, vegetables, rice, desserts, etc.  They laid these all out in the living room and also his sister painted a design on the ground where apparently they will do the worship.  Here is a pic:

During these religious ceremonies, you don't eat before they occur so I had heard at first that the priest is coming at noon and it would last about an hour so I didn't think that was too bad. However, when noon came and went and they were not yet dressed or at all concerned, I knew that it was going to be awhile.  And actually I should have known better because nothing here starts on time.  Indians don't have the same time concept as Americans- thats for sure.

Around 2, he finally showed up.  He brought more items with him that he began to immediately set up.  A little alter was created in which he placed the god statue.  Apparently nobody is able to touch this statue and he keeps it in a bag around his neck covered by his scarf.  He set things up in a very methodical way.  I didn't understand what he was all doing, but his mom immediately joined in and handed him items- milk, rice, flowers, etc.  She also started cutting up the fruit and veges and putting it on these big plates.  I wasn't sure why, but I guessed I would find out.

He then started his prayers.  We all sat around him as he chanted, threw flowers at the statue, and mixed combinations of the items laying around him.  I wasn't sure what he was saying or doing, but I watched attentively. (The guy in orange is the priest)

Periodically he would ask for a family member to say something or bring something and at one point he was doing blessings for Roy and the baby.

As the time went on, and he chanted and continued to put ingredients together, I started to wonder how he knew how to do these things.  How did he know what combinations of flowers, fruit, nuts, etc to put together and for what reason.  I also selfishly wondered what time he might be done with that since I was starving at this point (although I had snuck a few cookies from my suitcase while getting dressed in the morning.

The funniest part was when the priest was in the middle of his prayers and suddently his cell phone went off!  And the ringtone was some modern dance music! It was inside one of the bags he brought, so everyone just kinda looked at each other and snickered.  As he continued, his cell phone went off a second time.  This time, Roy's dad started dancing in his seat...I almost lost it at this point. Luckily Debika reached into his bag to turn it off, while I imagined someone kicking a puppy (one of the most non-funny things I can think of) which I always do in order not to laugh.

For the grand finale, he decided to start a fire in the house.  I knew Roy had gotten bricks and sand from a nearby construction site (giving the guy 20 rupees to hand them over) but wasn't sure exactly how this was going to go.  Well, I'll let the video explain:

After the fire went out, apparently it was time to eat.  I learned the cut up fruit and sweets were for us, which was good.  They were all laid out so they would be blessed and then ready for us to eat.   By this point some of Roy's college friends had come over.  The room was full of about 20 or so people.
After the priest left and everyone was munching, I started to feel a little overwhelmed.  Everyone was talking amongst themselves in various languages but I was just kinda there.  I ended up going into the bedroom by the baby who was sleeping and just kinda laid there with her.   After awhile Roy came in and I admit- I had a little mini breakdown.  Not totally sure why but I think just missing home and it does make me feel a little lonely and left out when everyone in a room is speaking a language you don't understand.  Roy took me to McDonalds and shopping after this, so life was good again.

Festival activities posted next!

Meet the Fam!

I thought I would introduce you to my wonderful extended family here. You cannot imagine how warm, generous and thoughtful they are. They aren't just hospitable, they are completely selfless when it comes to making sure we are comfortable and happy. Its very heart warming.

Everyday Roy's dad walks down the street to get new bottled water for me and baby- the best brand here, to make sure we stay safe. He was buying big jugs but I guess we were going through it a little fast and the other day he came home with a giant water bottle you put upside down on a dispenser.  How he hauled this up 4 floors- don't know.

As some of you may know, we found out he had periampulary cancer (of the connection points of the liver,pancreas,stomach, and intestine) earlier this year.  As you can imagine, the family was devastated. He spent 4 months in Mumbai and had surgery and is now having chemo here in Bangalore. He seems to be doing quite well so far. He went for  a ultrasound a few days back and everything looked good (btw- people here don't typically have insurance here, so pay for services as they are rendered. The ultrasound cost 800 rupees, which is around $15, which Roy happily paid)

Here he is with Shivali:

Roy's mom works all day- cleaning, cooking, taking care of everyone. Most of her work she does by hand, which she seems to prefer.  She is very religious so follows all these Hindu and regional religious customs of not eating certain foods on certain days, doing prayers in the house (they have a closet sized room devoted to worship), and other customs like not eating until all the housework is done, prayers are finished and cooked for everyone and they are done eating.  She is a very mild mannered traditional woman.  She finds me entertaining I think. She doesn't know much English, so we can't talk much but we find a way to communicate or someone translates which works ok.

Here she is giving the baby a massage before her bath, which apparently is a main grandma job.

Roy is the oldest child, and has 2 sisters.  His oldest is named Debika.  She is short and tiny with long curly hair to her waist. She is the more traditional sister and is very easy going.  She works in a call center for JP Morgan doing HR support. I laugh at the way she talks sometimes because she has been given vocal training to lesson her accent and sometimes I feel she sounds Amish (which I had to explain the concept to her).  She is currently engaged- we sorta.  She worked with a guy named Shubro. He is super nice.  The last time I was here, I could tell he liked her but nobody would ever admit this.  Apparently at some point her parents thought it might be good for them to get married. So they talked to her and I think she thought of him just as a friend but once they suggested marrying him I guess she was ok.  So they approached him and I think he was more than happy about this idea.  So I would call this a semi-arranged marriage.  They seem happy, and because he is also Bengali and from the highest caste (their social structure here), he is a good catch.

Roy's youngest sister is named Dipika (you can look back at the older ones name now- Debika, yes they are closely named after their father)   She goes to college- fashion design school.  She is very un-Indian if you ask me.  She doesn't eat much Indian food, hates spicy things and doesn't seem to want to do any of the prayers or traditional things important to most people.  I like her, we spend a lot of time talking and she seems very American-ish to me.  She is a little more spunky, which I think is cute, but the family seems to get a little irritated with her.

Here are a couple of house pictures-
Here is their apartment from the outside (most people rent here vs own)

Here is a cool panoramic of the view from the balcony (very Agriba looking, from the Aladdin movie if you ask me)

Here is the prayer room I mentioned earlier:

Here it is typically to take and 'Indian Bath' which consists of dumping cups of water over your head from a large bucket.  I didn't understand this concept but have a little better understanding now. Water is released from the city only once per day- a kind of 'crowd control' for water. So everyone has these big storage tanks on the roof. Water is not typically heated (although we do have a small solar powered water heater here).  So people fill these big buckets in the bathroom and let the water sit to heat it otherwise its too cold to shower in.  The other strange thing to me is that the shower area is right in the bathroom so the whole room gets wet. This is a European concept, which I don't personally like but nobody seems to mind.

And by popular demand- here is the famous Indian toilet (which I refer to as the hole in the ground) but apparently this one has a flush.  For obvious reasons, I stick to the Western bathroom.  There is a bucket and mug that also goes along with this- for what; I'll let you figure that out. (hint: there is no TP here

What are you Deprived of?

This is a question my son Jordan had to ask himself while working on a school project recently.  And you know what- he couldn't come up with a single thing.  Ok, besides the latest toy (he has a room full of toys) or his own computer (we have several) or maybe his own car (hes 11 and can't drive).

Looking around here, its so obvious how we live back home is so overindulgent. Most people can afford to and will purchase whatever they need/want at anytime.  We have no idea how lucky we are.  There are so many people here who literally work all day just to feed themselves and their family.  There was a lady I saw the other day sitting on the corner selling flowers (the women in this part of India like to wear them in their hair, however, my husband told me that in Northern India where he is from only ladies of the night would do this).   Roy told me that it would be common for her to get up early in the morning to go to the big market to purchase these flowers in bulk.  She normally borrows money (100 rupees or apx $2) from someone (people do this to make extra money, loaning money everyday to dozens of people for a small percentage of interest) to buy the flowers and the thread to string them.  Then she sits on the ground on a busy and hot street corner all day trying to sell them.  They don't last long in this weather so if they don't sell, she is out the money.  If she does well, she has enough to eat and maybe to buy flowers herself the next day without a loan.

There is a guy outside my window right now yelling- potatoes!  I hear these guys a couple of times a day selling vegetables or one day I saw a lady selling those stick broom things or these rolled up matts that people use to sit on the floor (which they prefer here).  They would walk around all day pushing carts or carrying these on top of their head.  Going up and down the busy and dirty streets trying to sell these.  This is a very common way for thousands (probably hundreds of thousands) of people to make money here just to buy the basic essentials.

Indians are interesting when it comes to money.  They are master-savers.  Unlike Americans who continually have a need to upgrade, Indian people save or invest (in gold or insurance bonds) any extra money they have.  They also make due with everything they have.  They don't throw things away ever. I see his mom re-purposing every container, bag, and piece of anything in their house.  While they most likely have plenty of money to purchase new things or better things (Roy's dad has a good job with the Indian Railways- which is huge here) they just don't.   We purchased them gifts when coming here, simple things like a small battery vacuum for his mom.  You can tell she likes it, but is hesitant to change (like writing checks at the grocery store- right Tina...LOL).  She would never think to buy this vacuum for herself to make her jobs easier. She also has a washing machine we bought her a few years ago, but everyday so far I have seen her handwash the clothes in the bathroom.

It definitely makes you think about what is important. People here seem happy in spite of not having the latest contraption or gadget on the market, a recent model year car (forget that, nobody hardly has a car), thousands of shoes and brand name clothes, or a big house filled with tons of everything.
Makes me think we should definitely try and live a little more simple and forget the rat race of keeping up with the Jones'. I absolutely have everything I need- Health, Family, enough money to be comfortable and save for a rainy day, and Happiness.

Doesn't Anyone Else Think its Hot???

Day 6: I am feeling MUCH better today. Finally had something to eat this morning and even felt in the mood for a little back home so went to Pizza Hut this afternoon. Now, its not quite what I'm used to but close.  Crust is the same, sauce is more spicy and less Italian-ish, and of course no beef- but I did see pepperoni which is a bit rare (For those who don't know- India is 80% Hindu and Hindus don't eat any beef- cows are sacred. And most wouldn't eat pork because its considered a very dirty animal that only the poorest people would eat). 

We shopped today for Roy's sister's wedding ring.  Their wedding tradition is different here that either the girl or guy's family would supply the rings. Gold jewelry, as previously mentioned, is super important to people here when they are getting married so they would have chains, bangles, earrings, and rings custom made from 23K gold for the occasion.  We picked out something really nice for her and it should be ready before we leave.  Roy also got a little something for you-know-who....I'm pretty excited about it.

The whole time I have been here, his family has thought that my wrists are too bare-meaning a married woman should always have certain bangles on her wrists So, they got me some last night. In Bengali (Where Roy's family is from- the state of West Bengal/Calcutta area) culture, they wear a bangle made of shell and a red hard plastic one. Apparently if it ever breaks you have to bury it under some tree...hmmm, not sure about this but I guess we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

So, anyway back to the theme of this post- ya, its hot here.  His family said its cold because they live on the 3rd floor (which is actually the 4th floor in our terms) but to me its always hot.  Its true late night through early morning- there is a cool breeze and its really comfortable. Of course during this time his family is freezing with giant heavy blankets and sweaters but here is me, still sleeping with the fan on full and no blanket.  During the day, usually twice- once around 10 and again around 5, the power goes out.  When I first experienced this the first time I was here, I was shocked. We were shopping in a store and it all went dark. And of course, I panic but nobody else flinches but just keeps doing what they are doing. Its a very odd reaction, or lack there of, I should say.  So anyway, when this happens, especially at night, its usually pretty still and hot out and I feel I may melt into a puddle.  Everyone says it is warm, but they just don't seem to mind it the way I do.  I'm trying to adapt, but those of you fellow Wisconsonites can relate I'm sure.

On the way back from shopping today, we dropped my 2 sari's off at the local tailor to have the blouses stitched. She'll have them done by the 4th which will be in good time for the festival activities coming up.  Can't write much about that now because I'm truly not sure what will all go on, but I'm told its a big deal (not Christmas big deal, but pretty close- without the presents, snow, santa, or tree).
While walking back we passed a couple of young girls playing with a dog like Toby. I instinctively called out- hey Toby and they both smiled.  As we walked by, I looked back and they were waving. I think they may have thought I was Madonna which never gets old here.  I looked back a second time and they were still waving.  I also snapped this picture on the way home:

For those with a good memory, yes this is the sacred animal to Hindu's yet he appears to be starving eating garbage on the roadside.  And I saw one earlier walking in traffic and get bumped by a passing car (although I have read and been told that hurting or killing a cow can mean having your car started on fire by passers by).  This makes me feel bad.  I'm going to start carrying snacks to feed to them. Got a few to feed this dog that has been lingering by.  There are tons of street dogs everywhere. Most are a little scary and wild looking but this one seems nice. You wouldn't dare touch him but we do feed him so when I saw him today I fed him some crackers.  Here are some other street dogs I saw on the way home:

Here are some other interesting pics from today:

 Cute school kids

 They transport EVERYTHING by bike here.

 Overstuffed truck- no safety standards here.....

 Guys carrying toys on top their heads. Lots of people carry things like this.

The auto rickshaw driver who took us to town (our Brother-in-law to be has the motorcycle today). Its fun sorta- kinda like riding in a clown car.  I saw one of these packed with about 10 school kids today.

The Indian Diet Plan

Who says you can't go on vacation and lose weight???   We went out shopping yesterday- I found the most beautiful sari for his sister's wedding. We also picked up some Hindi Cartoons for baby and a couple of other gifts.   By the time we got back, I was not feeling well at all. I was super hot and my belly was hurting really bad.  I didn't eat and didn't feel like I could even hardly drink but I tried to make sure I stayed hydrated.   Went to bed early without eating and slept until late morning.  Baby did get up around 4 and was awake awhile but this is when her sister and his fiance come home, so they were more than happy to entertain her until we woke up around 9 or 9:30.

Figuring it was a traveler's sickness from different water or food, I thought it was best to get an antibiotic.  Of course I didn't bring any antibiotics along, but thats an easy fix.  Any of these roadside pharmacies would give you basically any meds you want, so of course I went for the good stuff- Azithromycin- the king of all antibiotics.   I'm feeling a bit better this morning after a shower and eating a few crackers and my favorite sugar free fruit punch kool aid from home. 

They want me to eat some vegetable curry- not sure what vegetable it is- looks like a cucumber but I am told it is not (and most of you know how much I like veges) so making spicy curry with that seems quite unappealing, especially at this point.  I'll try and avoid it, but we'll see.

Not sure if we will be doing anything today. I'm still feeling pretty tired and not super well, so we may just sit around today. Maybe when the sun goes down we will go out to the gold shop and look at some rings for his sister's wedding.  People here, no matter how poor would spend what they had on gold jewelry for weddings and other occasions.  They were 23K gold, which makes the stuff we normally wear look pretty cheap. His mom gave me a gold ring she had her whole life when I first arrived- apparently this is a tradition for the first daughter in law.  Its pretty nice, so I am honored to have it.  Baby also received a gold ring and chain and several pieces of solid silver- really cute and nice.

Thats it for today. Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon and can post some more fun stuff.

Need I say more....

A day in the Life

Day 2: Well....Jet lag has successfully set in.  Slept a lot today, as did baby (6 hrs in the afternoon). Neither one of us could manage to keep our eyes open.  There wasn't much going on so I thought it was just best to go with it and try and get it out of my system.  Roy was also pretty tired, he usually doesn't get jet lag but he did this time, so we are all pretty useless today.

Earlier this morning we got up and I thought it would be fun to take baby for a walk.  So Roy, I and Shivali in her stroller hit the road.  The road outside their house isn't overly busy but the cars and bikes still whip by a pace that would scare most people.  We turned off on a side street which was much better- Here is a pic.

We walked down this street to the main busy road where Roy wanted to cross to go to the 'pharmacy' to get baby some diaper rash cream.  I decided to stay on this side and people watch.

I saw some of the street cleaners cleaning up outside this shop. They use these stick kinda brooms that you have to bend over the whole time to use. They don't seem that much fun to me but everyone uses them and don't seem to mind.   Lots of people stared at us because apparently a baby stroller is quite unique here, and even more unique is an Indian guy pushing it with a white girl next to him. People are visibly confused when they see us.  Like this lady- who I was interested in because she was in a full decorated sari but carrying a basket on her head.  I wanted to take her picture, but thought it would be rude but as she passed every time I turned around to take it she was turning around to watch us, but I managed to get this without looking too rude.

We had a quick snack at this coffee place which makes these chicken sandwiches I like from the last time I was here and was off to home again. It was getting hot already, of course people here don't think so and wear jackets and winter hats when its less than 70 degrees. And I look like I'm going to melt constantly.....not right.

Got home and was super tired so thats when all the napping started.  I took a few pics of the neighbor guy (where the cute school girl from yesterday lives- I guess its her grandpa) He basically does 2 things that I see- In the morning he washes his clothes in the back of the house (yup, in his undies), and at night he drinks in the front yard by himself. 

Not much else going on- its almost bedtime here.  They want us to eat dinner now but its almost 9pm and we just had a giant plate of rice and spicy potato at around 4 so I don't feel like eating again. I think they think this is strange but I just can't do it.  His mom's cooking is awesome though. We eat very traditionally- sitting on the floor with a small plate. They give me a fork, but they always eat with their hands.  Its hard for me, but I sometimes try and join in.

Tomorrow we'll shop for clothes. One of Roy's school friends apparently is getting engaged and there will be a party next week so I want to buy a new sari and you need time to have the blouse and underskirt stitched (it will cost less than $10 made to fit from scratch).  These sari shops are amazing- they have floor to ceiling sari cloths (for those that don't know exactly what this is- its about 3 yards of fabric that the women here will wrap around themselves in a decorative way, and wear along with a short blouse (I call it a tummy top because its short like those 80's shirts I hated). The fabric is hand made and hand beaded most of the time- silk or you can get simple cotton ones but I am especially drawn to the bright colored blinged out ones.  Its an expedition to go to these places, you sit at a counter (like when you pick out an engagement ring in a fancy jewelry store) and the guy shows you what he thinks you like or you try and guide him by color or type if you know. Its fun for me, but Roy going into a system overload when we are there. 

Thats it for today, I just saw I have the option to upload a video, so you guys just have to get an idea of the traffic here so I'll shoot a video tomorrow.