A few years ago, there was rumbling of trouble with the marriage of my oldest SIL. This is the first Indian wedding I attended, I blogged a lot about it and it was the only wedding my FIL would live to see. Hindsight is always 20/20, but to be truthful, there was rumbling of trouble even before the wedding. Indian weddings and the process of finding a spouse is complicated here. Yes, it seems that more of the younger generation is finding someone on their own, but still plenty opt for a traditional arranged marriage or semi arranged where the couple kinda knows each other, but not completely.
My oldest SIL had what I would deem a semi arranged marriage. Although she knew guy well from work, I think she more saw him as a friend. My in-laws seemed to push for the marriage and she ended up agreeing. Being the sweet and considerate girl that she is, I think she tried to do the ‘right thing’ while her Father was in his last days. On the surface it seemed to be fine, but slowly it started to unravel. I don’t know all the details and don’t need to, but ultimately divorce seemed like the best option.
You can imagine my surprise a year or so later when I come to find out that she has a new guy and they want to get married. All the costs, travel and logistics again??? After going through so much it seemed unfathamable that we were going to start over. But, here we are. This time feels different already. Not many relatives are coming and much of the planning and costs are already handled, but still Roy is running around like a crazy person buying things, picking up relatives from the train station, calling vendors to deal with confusion and incompetence. Same deal just on a bit lower scale. He got up at 4 am today- after getting to bed only at 2:30 since several of our relatives arrived late last night, so he could get the groom’s family setup from their train travel down here (They are from Calcutta area I’m told). We are all staying at a hotel this round, which is a big improvement from the hectic group travel in ridiculous traffic at all hours of the night we normally partake in and not to mention staying in a 2 bedroom apartment with 35 other people! This will limit the ‘fun’ of all hours relative interaction, but I’m ok with that! I guess some people are at one hotel and others elsewhere for cost sake- just a reminder for those who don’t follow along or forgot that the brides family pays for travel and lodging for all family guests!!! It’s crazy, but that’s just how it is. For this reason, most are staying at a lower cost option down the road from the resort, but we are staying right at the resort where the wedding is happening. Seems awkward, but honestly I’m happy to have a room I can sneak off too if need be. I’ll report back how this works.
So, here we are again getting ready for the 3rd wedding when we only planned in two, but hey, who am I to judge. If she is happy and this works out better, then don’t we all deserve to be happy? Even in India, divorce and remarriage are becoming more common so nobody seems that bothered to be doing it all again. Apparently there will be less rituals and things we did in the past. I’ve heard mixed stories as to why. At first it was because she was already married once, but then it came out that maybe some of the older aunts who made this decision didn’t want to pay the costs they normally are on the hook for- gifts and things. Oh complicated India, when will I ever understand???
As I am sitting in my air conditioned hotel room waiting for this transport bus to pick me up (due at 9:30- it’s now 10:56, of course I’m the only one who will notice or care) I’m given the rare opportunity to reflect in quiet (ok, semi quiet as I can hear the constant honking of vehicle horns and the occasional shout of a street vendor and moo of a neighborhood cow outside my window) and realize this is all just part of the journey of learning and growing and relating to a different environment. And do you know what, it’s not so bad. Three times a charm?
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