Spirited conversations are nothing new for my husband and I. We have always spent a lot of time talking and discussing various topics, generally with a lot of passion and conviction for our particular points. It wasn't until a particular conversation that we had earlier this week, that I had a true 'aha' moment which brought me back to thinking about the compare and contrast I planned to discuss about the US and India.
This particular conversation was centered around my tendency to be a bit controlling. It isn't something I try or even something I realize, it just is who I am. I know there are times when I can go a little overboard and as I get older and am able to step back and examine myself better, I do realize this and attempt to correct it when possible.
As I explained my necessity to provide 'helpful' driving instructions to my husband, something really brilliant dawned on me. Every strength can be its own weakness. I was particularly moved by this idea in the fact that he is forever impressed by my ability to simultaneously handle a full time, sometimes stressful professional job, the majority of the household responsibilities, kids, bills, shopping, and planning for vacations/time off/home improvements, etc. While I feel this is rather normal for most women I know, I do feel he is genuinely impressed with how I handle everything.
What I realized through this conversation is that my talent for managing things is also my downfall in sometimes going a little overboard. I am not sure you can have one without the other. I do believe that all things should come in a manageable quantity, but overindulgence of anything is rarely a good thing.
As I think about how this might apply to America, one might think that a wealthy and powerful country has no weakness, but this is indisputably untrue. Most people I know have more than enough money to survive, and not just survive in terms of having basic necessities. They have more than enough, and in fact what almost anyone would consider excessive. Their kids have hundreds of toys and ever so often more come in, but few go out. Most are not overly played with, some are neglected and abused and most people wouldn't pay much attention to this 'normal' fact about kids. My husband likes to tell the story of having 1 toy growing up- a toy airplane. Not 1 toy for a particular birthday or 1 baby toy- 1 total. Just let that sink in a moment.
So, a country so wealthy and powerful thinks that providing their children with every toy, electronic, style of clothing, shoe, etc item is a good idea? I have definitely learned to appreciate the downside of wealth. Having grown up being enamored by celebrities and people on TV with their big houses and 10 cars and big closets full of millions of dollars of designer clothing, I now realize how truly bad this is and how out of touch with the reality of the world these people are. It is sad. Sad for them, sad for us, and sad for the world to watch them and look up to them.
Now don't get me wrong, I like nice things as much as anyone, but what I do know for sure is that more is not more and having a simple, streamlined life is truly more beneficial than having access to anything you could want.
On the flip side, when I think of one of India's strengths, the one thing that comes to mind is the kindness of Indian people. Always wanting to please, not wanting to deliver bad news or a negative message (even if it is true) They avoid conflict and therefore are generally considered peaceful, spiritual, and kind. Sounds like a good thing, right? And it is, but from my observation it is this passive attitude that is one of the main contributors to India's inability to move steadily forward. Many people don't want to get involved, and are content with things being as they always have, even though some know there are other ways. As with any change comes contention, disruption, and a need for cooperation- all the things that don't seem to go over well in India. Don't get me wrong, Indian people are the most adaptive of anyone I have ever met in my life, but I think there is some unwritten rule that says if it is permanent then it bugs them.
India is one of the most ancient societies to still be somewhat intact today, with much of the same cultural values, religious beliefs, and social structure which is one of the things that makes India interesting, unique, and a true phenomenon to observe and understand. But, when it comes to change and the people of India welcoming change and wanting to implement change in their daily lives, this is where the strength becomes a weakness.
For me, this realization is just part of my journey to better understand myself and 'get better at life' as a good friend once said to me. It is a complicated formula, which has no set recipe and the ingredients seem to get more complicated and hard to find the more I get into it:
- 3 parts dedication
- 2 parts desire to change
- 4 parts realization you don't know everything
- 1 part open mindedness
- 2 parts love
