As I sit here on the first day where my MIL & SIL have left for their return to India, I have many mixed feelings. It is difficult, if not impossible for most of my friends and family to understand how I coped with having 2 extended house guests for the last 6 months. While challenging at times, I can definitely say I learned a lot and I am a better person because of the experience.
So, what's it like having extended house guests from the other side of the world? At first, it's like having anyone over. Everyone is on their best behavior, trying to be helpful and accommodating but as time goes by there are little habits or behaviors that begin to become annoying. Now, when you throw in the cultural mix of having been raised on different sides of the globe, this situation takes on a whole new level of complexity.
Beyond the fact that I was raised exceptionally independent, never having even a close relative stay just 1 night with us that I can recall, I figured that at some point my desire for privacy would overshadow my wish to be a gracious host. While I can admit to being annoyed and violated and even sometimes feeling like I was a stranger in my own home, I do not have any hard feelings and feel that overall as a family we banded together and could definitely call the visit 'successful'.
One of my major observations as part of my MIL and SIL's visit was the realization of how independent most American women are. It isn't just working and driving and decision making, it is infiltrated in every action and reaction. I do consider this a luxury and although I can respect and understand this isn't the norm in other parts of the world, the conclusion I have drawn is that I am glad that it is the way it is here.
I can imagine at times they interpreted what I was doing or how I acted as pretty crazy. I operate at a very independent level and work with my husband as a partner, not as a lessor contributor. Yes of course this leads to power struggles and at times it erupts, but overall we have a pretty good thing going. My wish is that they would have had the opportunity to look beyond the initial shock of seeing how I dress, talk openly, work a high level stressful job, and manage a household to see how much love and attention I put into everything I do and how it is possible to successfully manage so many concurrent happenings. No I absolutely don't do everything perfect, in fact it is very possible that they look at the things I do cut corners on as some of the most critical things (cooking, cleaning, daycare for Vali) but I don't at all feel like most things suffer because of my overabundance of responsibility.
I think every little thing, taken out of context, could be misinterpreted as a harmful act, but that when blended all together it is possible to gain synergy and capacity through keeping so many plates spinning in the air at all times. So when I open a bag of pre-made chicken, I do that so I can spend more of my free time with my husband and kids as opposed to me cooking for hours in the kitchen and them off doing something else. When I invest money or time in automated bill payment it is so I can have piece of mind or steal a few extra moments during a time when i would normally be having to labor over the never-ending task of keeping our finances in order.
So my conclusion after this experience is that although we as humans sometimes feel like we don't have capacity for things we are not familiar with, the reality is that capacity is like any other muscle in our body and as we have the desire to work it and put in the effort to work it, it can expand.
So, what's it like having extended house guests from the other side of the world? At first, it's like having anyone over. Everyone is on their best behavior, trying to be helpful and accommodating but as time goes by there are little habits or behaviors that begin to become annoying. Now, when you throw in the cultural mix of having been raised on different sides of the globe, this situation takes on a whole new level of complexity.
Beyond the fact that I was raised exceptionally independent, never having even a close relative stay just 1 night with us that I can recall, I figured that at some point my desire for privacy would overshadow my wish to be a gracious host. While I can admit to being annoyed and violated and even sometimes feeling like I was a stranger in my own home, I do not have any hard feelings and feel that overall as a family we banded together and could definitely call the visit 'successful'.
One of my major observations as part of my MIL and SIL's visit was the realization of how independent most American women are. It isn't just working and driving and decision making, it is infiltrated in every action and reaction. I do consider this a luxury and although I can respect and understand this isn't the norm in other parts of the world, the conclusion I have drawn is that I am glad that it is the way it is here.
I can imagine at times they interpreted what I was doing or how I acted as pretty crazy. I operate at a very independent level and work with my husband as a partner, not as a lessor contributor. Yes of course this leads to power struggles and at times it erupts, but overall we have a pretty good thing going. My wish is that they would have had the opportunity to look beyond the initial shock of seeing how I dress, talk openly, work a high level stressful job, and manage a household to see how much love and attention I put into everything I do and how it is possible to successfully manage so many concurrent happenings. No I absolutely don't do everything perfect, in fact it is very possible that they look at the things I do cut corners on as some of the most critical things (cooking, cleaning, daycare for Vali) but I don't at all feel like most things suffer because of my overabundance of responsibility.
I think every little thing, taken out of context, could be misinterpreted as a harmful act, but that when blended all together it is possible to gain synergy and capacity through keeping so many plates spinning in the air at all times. So when I open a bag of pre-made chicken, I do that so I can spend more of my free time with my husband and kids as opposed to me cooking for hours in the kitchen and them off doing something else. When I invest money or time in automated bill payment it is so I can have piece of mind or steal a few extra moments during a time when i would normally be having to labor over the never-ending task of keeping our finances in order.
So my conclusion after this experience is that although we as humans sometimes feel like we don't have capacity for things we are not familiar with, the reality is that capacity is like any other muscle in our body and as we have the desire to work it and put in the effort to work it, it can expand.
