Same India- New Me

It's been 2 years since we last visited, and for me, it has been years of many physical and mental changes.  Since going on sabbatical from my career and focusing on my health, resulting in losing more than 90 lbs, I've reached a point in my life where I am a much different person than I have been in the past.  More patient, less tolerant, and perhaps more easy-going - although less willing to go along with any kind of nonsense.

Having visited India more than a dozen times, I'm well aware of the problems a foreigner faces with noise, cleanliness, food choices, and population.  As someone who was overweight most of their life, I'm also well aware of the fact that India isn't very accommodating to weight issues.  It's not that there aren't overweight people here, but there is certainly less, and the society isn't built around understanding this challenge.  Stores don't typically have larger sizes, and Indian people in general are much shorter, smaller, and more fine, which makes a larger-sized white lady stand out even more.

While I didn't lose weight for India, it has proven to be a very nice bonus traveling here in my smaller body and seeing how relatives and just people in general react differently.   I easily purchased 'normal' sized clothing from the store yesterday and just overall feel more comfortable, less hot and sweaty, and like I fit in just a little bit better.

The 16 hr plane ride overseas was definitely easier, being able to fit in the seat comfortably and not feel hot and overwhelmed the whole time.  I was not overly worried about the food, as food isn't a much of a big deal for me these days.  I can bring along some protein bars and be pretty happy for long stretches. 

What is more notable than the physical changes, is the mental ones.  I have never made any secret of the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with India and this time is no different, however, I feel more peaceful about it and have been able to sit back and relax more without the constant worry of what is coming and how it will be.  I know things are not my brand of 'normal', but somehow I am ok with most of that.  I have embraced the odd and unusual and have found a place of contentment in knowing that this is my husband's childhood home and the source of much enjoyment and love for him.  I also like to see my daughter exposed to the culture so she doesn't just think she is strictly American.

Yesterday we got up at 4am and visited the famous Varanasi Ghats.  These are stairs leading down the Ganges, which Hindus consider the most holy river.  

There are bathers and worshippers everywhere, as well as places where they burn bodies (you read that right!) and do all sorts of other activities.  

We watched an early morning ritual and then took a boat ride past the 84 different ghats along the river.  

It was very interesting to see all the activity and wildlife, as well as the world class people watching.   I can easily say that I enjoyed myself in spite of being very cold (I know, crazy!) and being unsure of what was going to happen.  Years ago I would have been terrified of the boat, not knowing how sea-worthy it is, but I just hopped on this time, taking the hand of guy who resembled Captain Jack Sparrow who turns out he drives the boat- ironic. 

 I even asked to join in the tea drinking, being poured from a super hot pot brought around the beaches by guys who sell it all day to make money.  God only knows how it was made or if it is safe, but again, I'm just not that concerned about it at this point.  I hate tea, but it was quite good on a cold morning.

Later in the day we visited a few shops and then went to the house of the Aunt whose son is getting married in the next few days.  In classic Indian form, the house is set far back down allies and has lots of strange and interesting details for me to observe and chuckle at, including a monkey family!

The people are all very nice and as always, meeting our relatives after a long time is somehow fun.   Shivali found a cousin that she hadn't met before that is just 1 year younger, although she looks about 8. 

The relatives are all very interested in my weight loss and Shivali's height, so that keeps everyone talking for days.

We are currently staying at a Doubletree Hilton, but as the wedding approaches, we will move over to another hotel near the wedding venue.

 I learned yesterday it isn't a hotel exactly, but something they call a 'lodge'.  If you are like me, you envision a rustic cabin with a roaring fire in the mountains of Colorado somewhere, but turns out it is like a hotel without any of the amenities of a standard hotel.  I'm not quite sure what that all entails, but as normal, I am along for the ride and just hoarded extra water bottles, towels, and toilet paper from where we are now.  All the relatives will be staying in that place, but I have been assured that Shivali and I will be put in a room together and be left alone as much as needed, where all the other relatives will just file in and sleep wherever it works.  I'm likely never understand that cultural norm, but thats ok,I don't need to.

I find  myself excited for the wedding prep, we purchased some additional sparkly outfits for low costs, and tonight we will have that henna done on our hands, which is my personal favorite.  Don't get me wrong, as I write this I am staring at a box of Cheez-Its Extra Toasty crackers, and wondering how uncomfortable the bed at the new place will be, but still excited to see my Sister in Laws, nieces, and other relatives coming in today.

What I Took From India

 Many years ago I was scheduled to go to India for work. The trip would have involved a business class flight, many weeks in a 5-star hotel, a driver, and unlimited American food options.  Right before I was set to leave, budget changes caused that trip to be canceled and would never be rescheduled.  At the time it was very disappointing as I had been excited to follow in the footsteps of so many of my peers and go to India to work with our overseas staff.   What I would come to realize down the road is that I was never meant to see India like that. My destiny with India was set to be much different, but of course, I didn't know that at that time.  In my dozen trips to India, I've mostly stayed with family, and only rarely have I stayed in a hotel.  We have stayed in some nice hotels, none anywhere near the caliber I would have stayed at as a business traveler.  That has given me the opportunity to see and experience things in India that I may not have otherwise seen.

Having traveled around like an Indian citizen, I've learned more about the culture and standards than most visitors would ever do.  I've ridden around on the back of a motorcycle, taken countless auto rickshaw rides, and walked the crowded and dusty streets.  I've seen all walks of life from the elderly ladies who sit outside temples begging for money to the elite driving high-end sports cars.  India has a huge separation of class and although there is a lot of middle-tier people who work decent jobs, it is the many who live in the slum areas that always strike me as the most tragic. You see their camps set up all over with the tarp coverings and people outside cooking and kids playing in the dirt. I've witnessed this level of poverty all over India, and although it feeds the stereotype of 'poor India', it is a reality that has stuck with me as I examine my own level of life and success. It's impossible to appreciate what you have until you really understand and see for yourself how others live. 

Although I have written extensively about my feelings of isolation and how being a caucasian person in India has impacted my feelings on growing up in a predominately caucasian area, I have been treated almost exclusively with a high level of respect and genuine curiosity during my travels. It can be intimidating to be an only one of anything in large groups of something else, but I can honestly say that I have next to never felt scared or in any type of danger. Even amongst my Indian relatives, I am likely one of the few Americans they have ever seen/known/been around, but yet they have consistently gone out of their way to address my comfort and understanding. They have put my needs well above theirs in virtually every scenario and if they have any ill feelings have never shown that to me or acted in a way that made me feel like they didn't want me around. It is for this reason that I am grateful for all the experiences I have had attending weddings and holiday events where we gather in large groups.  Although challenging for me being so accustomed to personal space and a different level of comfort, I have a very in-depth first-hand knowledge of what it is like to live amongst Indian people. 

Being raised as a practicing Catholic, we attended Church every Sunday and I went to a Catholic school for 8 years, so I feel like I know what it is like to live a fairly religious life.  As an adult, I've become more relaxed in my practice, but still have a fairly high regard for the faith.  Being exposed to the Hindu faith has given me a whole new view on religion.  Although on the surface, the religions are very different, at the core they are quite the same.  The one thing that always strikes me about Hinduism is how deeply rooted the faith is in their everyday life.  Countless festivals are celebrated primarily in religious ways with much praying, rituals, fasting, etc. and everyday activities like buying a car or even getting a haircut and sweeping the floor, the beliefs of Hinduism is deeply ingrained.  For me personally, I can respect and admire the dedication and passion for these activities without feeling like I need to get too deeply engaged myself.  I've participated in many rituals and have enjoyed witnessing the events, but many of the practices and beliefs end up being a bit too much for me. Nonetheless, exposure to a different religion has been beneficial to me in developing my own spirituality. 

As I shake off the remaining symptoms of jet lag, I sit here satisfied that I was included in so many fun and interesting events of the last few weeks in India.  I look back on the pictures and recall so many moments from this trip that have brought me joy and will continue to pop back up in my mind until the next adventure.   For now, the realization that my bed is the absolutely perfect place to be is my best takeaway from this trip.

One Last Cold Shower for the Road

Well, the time has come to head back home. I slept one last night in the A/C cave, haven fallen asleep to the sounds of very loud drumming and laughter outside our door. The rituals of yesterday came with a guy and his drum who sleeps near the statue or sometimes on the roof.

I find it’s easier when I don’t join in on these festivities. They always want you to dance, stay up late, and eat questionable snacks. Besides, I was ready to complete my last night in this house so I can start pointing my nose towards home.

The festival activities yesterday were long and extensive. They start when the priest arrives and sets up and uncovers the statue’s face. He then starts his chants and prayers.

At times people gather around or participate, then at the end of that segment the blessed foods will be passed out to all. It’s considered rude to deny this, so I try and take it whenever possible even if it means giving it to Roy later or stashing it when nobody is looking. In general, the women participate most in the events so I usually end up sitting in the room of men playing on my phone or staring into outer space. I’m typically just sitting around waiting for someone to tell me we are doing something.

The most fun part of the festival for me is the dressing up. They love to see me in a sari, so today I obliged, at least until it got too hot and we made a plan to go shopping. 

Leaving is always bittersweet for me. Although I love to go home and can’t wait to see my family, my Indian family treats me very well and is always very concerned and attentive to my well-being and for that I am eternally thankful.

The Hindu Holiday Dilemma

Much of my time in India has been spent being a part of some of the various Hindu holiday festivals.  These things are very complicated here, as the same festival is celebrated in millions of different ways based on region and even family. Hindus are extremely religious and the festivals are entirely based on religious praise, rituals, and offerings. Being raised Catholic, although I’ve tried to search for similarities, most of the comparisons end with stark differences. 

I’ve participated in most of the rituals, most of the time under strict instructions, having no clue what’s going on or what I’m supposed to do. I do it mainly to be included and to not appear disrespectful, but the worshiping of statues and offerings to various gods isn’t really in my religious wheelhouse. 

This week’s rituals started with the construction of a fire and the lighting of candles in the prayer room. Everyone was given either a full stripe (married women) or a small stripe of sindoor powder and took a visit to the prayer room. The food offering was then handed out to everyone. It seemed like banana tacos to me, but I somehow politely avoided a try. 

The next day an assembly of items was put together that I was told would be offered to the sun god. I wasn’t sure exactly what that would involve. The street outside the house we are staying was decorated and this carpet was laid down. Blaring loud religious music was playing from loudspeakers all day. I’m told that before COVID and the eldest Aunt became ill, we would follow this path down to the Ganges River along with thousands of others to lay the offering on the banks.

 

Instead, we took an auto rickshaw down to the Ganges to retrieve water to fill up a baby pool on the roof. Yes, this really happened. Then the next eldest Aunt gets in the pool of Ganges water and holds each of these offering baskets made earlier in the day. Periodically someone is instructed to poor more of the holy (Ganges) water on her or the offering basket she is holding. 

The evening then ended with fireworks.

The last festival is coming up tomorrow. It’s a celebration of Goddess of the Universe- it’s a form of the Goddess celebrated during Dusshra what I wrote about a few years ago. These sweet cookie type things were made. They tasted kinda like gingerbread. Then the front porch type area was cleaned and this giant statue was wheeled in. I’m told a priest is coming tomorrow and at that time her face can be uncovered. Stay tuned!

 

Relative-ly Ready to Go Home

 I was quite certain that the process involved with staying with relatives in Patna would be challenging, but so far that has exceeded my expectations.  On one hand, I feel a bit guilty, as Shivali and I were given a special room with AC and a large, thick mattress. It also has a private bathroom, is on the ground floor and I'm told that everyone is informed not to enter. As much as I dislike being singled out, there are times it isn't just appreciated but necessary.  Accommodations here are rustic. This is a word I use a lot here because it is the best way I know how to compare to what I am accustomed to. It would be kind of like you rented a old cabin in the woods. That's the only way I know how to explain it.

                                                        Our safe space. LOL. The AC cage.

There are around 40 people staying at this house, and although it is fairly large in size, the congestion and chaos is borderline insane.  Everyone is very excited for the festival activities, but it's difficult for me to get too excited about praying to the 'sun god' and eating strange food combinations. I do my absolute best to not come across disrespectfully, but there is very little for me here.  I am here 100% for the benefit of my husband who loves these types of get-togethers with family.

Being raised in a very small family, I may not have the exposure to appreciate a gathering of this size. Everyone seems close and familiar to each other, yet they are many times what I would call distant relatives- if related at all.  At some level, I am envious of the strong connections and the sense of genuine fun and excitement they get from being around each other. It is both endearing and lovely to witness.   For me personally, it brings up a lot of feelings of isolation and loneliness, which sounds odd being around so many people, but let me put that in perspective for you.  Only 10% of people staying in this house speak English. Most of them are not accustomed to speaking it, so don't prefer to and aren't super comfortable.  Most of the time, the spoken language is completely unknown even though I know some words there is not enough there to follow along.  I've described this before as something like background music. I almost forget that there is a sound because I get so accustomed to ignoring it.

Then comes the food issue. The type of food served at a gathering like this is very typical Indian.  Not the type of Indian you get a Indian restaurant back home, but very typical fried vegetables and bread. Sometimes there is rice and dal (lentils), but it all pretty much looks and tastes the same and is rarely something I care to eat much.  Being on a healthy lifestyle right now, I am pretty much staying away from it all the time which is both alarming and concerning to my Indian relatives.  They don't understand things like protein water and fresh fruit for meals, but it works for me so I just roll with it.  I sometimes imagine transporting this group of people to my place and watching them attempt to survive on American food. I can only guess that they would feel pretty much the same.

After 12 days of adventure, I am well past the point of being ready to go home.  The problem is we have 4 more days to go staying here at this location.  As always, I'll do my very best to survive and get along.