What I Took From India

 Many years ago I was scheduled to go to India for work. The trip would have involved a business class flight, many weeks in a 5-star hotel, a driver, and unlimited American food options.  Right before I was set to leave, budget changes caused that trip to be canceled and would never be rescheduled.  At the time it was very disappointing as I had been excited to follow in the footsteps of so many of my peers and go to India to work with our overseas staff.   What I would come to realize down the road is that I was never meant to see India like that. My destiny with India was set to be much different, but of course, I didn't know that at that time.  In my dozen trips to India, I've mostly stayed with family, and only rarely have I stayed in a hotel.  We have stayed in some nice hotels, none anywhere near the caliber I would have stayed at as a business traveler.  That has given me the opportunity to see and experience things in India that I may not have otherwise seen.

Having traveled around like an Indian citizen, I've learned more about the culture and standards than most visitors would ever do.  I've ridden around on the back of a motorcycle, taken countless auto rickshaw rides, and walked the crowded and dusty streets.  I've seen all walks of life from the elderly ladies who sit outside temples begging for money to the elite driving high-end sports cars.  India has a huge separation of class and although there is a lot of middle-tier people who work decent jobs, it is the many who live in the slum areas that always strike me as the most tragic. You see their camps set up all over with the tarp coverings and people outside cooking and kids playing in the dirt. I've witnessed this level of poverty all over India, and although it feeds the stereotype of 'poor India', it is a reality that has stuck with me as I examine my own level of life and success. It's impossible to appreciate what you have until you really understand and see for yourself how others live. 

Although I have written extensively about my feelings of isolation and how being a caucasian person in India has impacted my feelings on growing up in a predominately caucasian area, I have been treated almost exclusively with a high level of respect and genuine curiosity during my travels. It can be intimidating to be an only one of anything in large groups of something else, but I can honestly say that I have next to never felt scared or in any type of danger. Even amongst my Indian relatives, I am likely one of the few Americans they have ever seen/known/been around, but yet they have consistently gone out of their way to address my comfort and understanding. They have put my needs well above theirs in virtually every scenario and if they have any ill feelings have never shown that to me or acted in a way that made me feel like they didn't want me around. It is for this reason that I am grateful for all the experiences I have had attending weddings and holiday events where we gather in large groups.  Although challenging for me being so accustomed to personal space and a different level of comfort, I have a very in-depth first-hand knowledge of what it is like to live amongst Indian people. 

Being raised as a practicing Catholic, we attended Church every Sunday and I went to a Catholic school for 8 years, so I feel like I know what it is like to live a fairly religious life.  As an adult, I've become more relaxed in my practice, but still have a fairly high regard for the faith.  Being exposed to the Hindu faith has given me a whole new view on religion.  Although on the surface, the religions are very different, at the core they are quite the same.  The one thing that always strikes me about Hinduism is how deeply rooted the faith is in their everyday life.  Countless festivals are celebrated primarily in religious ways with much praying, rituals, fasting, etc. and everyday activities like buying a car or even getting a haircut and sweeping the floor, the beliefs of Hinduism is deeply ingrained.  For me personally, I can respect and admire the dedication and passion for these activities without feeling like I need to get too deeply engaged myself.  I've participated in many rituals and have enjoyed witnessing the events, but many of the practices and beliefs end up being a bit too much for me. Nonetheless, exposure to a different religion has been beneficial to me in developing my own spirituality. 

As I shake off the remaining symptoms of jet lag, I sit here satisfied that I was included in so many fun and interesting events of the last few weeks in India.  I look back on the pictures and recall so many moments from this trip that have brought me joy and will continue to pop back up in my mind until the next adventure.   For now, the realization that my bed is the absolutely perfect place to be is my best takeaway from this trip.

One Last Cold Shower for the Road

Well, the time has come to head back home. I slept one last night in the A/C cave, haven fallen asleep to the sounds of very loud drumming and laughter outside our door. The rituals of yesterday came with a guy and his drum who sleeps near the statue or sometimes on the roof.

I find it’s easier when I don’t join in on these festivities. They always want you to dance, stay up late, and eat questionable snacks. Besides, I was ready to complete my last night in this house so I can start pointing my nose towards home.

The festival activities yesterday were long and extensive. They start when the priest arrives and sets up and uncovers the statue’s face. He then starts his chants and prayers.

At times people gather around or participate, then at the end of that segment the blessed foods will be passed out to all. It’s considered rude to deny this, so I try and take it whenever possible even if it means giving it to Roy later or stashing it when nobody is looking. In general, the women participate most in the events so I usually end up sitting in the room of men playing on my phone or staring into outer space. I’m typically just sitting around waiting for someone to tell me we are doing something.

The most fun part of the festival for me is the dressing up. They love to see me in a sari, so today I obliged, at least until it got too hot and we made a plan to go shopping. 

Leaving is always bittersweet for me. Although I love to go home and can’t wait to see my family, my Indian family treats me very well and is always very concerned and attentive to my well-being and for that I am eternally thankful.

The Hindu Holiday Dilemma

Much of my time in India has been spent being a part of some of the various Hindu holiday festivals.  These things are very complicated here, as the same festival is celebrated in millions of different ways based on region and even family. Hindus are extremely religious and the festivals are entirely based on religious praise, rituals, and offerings. Being raised Catholic, although I’ve tried to search for similarities, most of the comparisons end with stark differences. 

I’ve participated in most of the rituals, most of the time under strict instructions, having no clue what’s going on or what I’m supposed to do. I do it mainly to be included and to not appear disrespectful, but the worshiping of statues and offerings to various gods isn’t really in my religious wheelhouse. 

This week’s rituals started with the construction of a fire and the lighting of candles in the prayer room. Everyone was given either a full stripe (married women) or a small stripe of sindoor powder and took a visit to the prayer room. The food offering was then handed out to everyone. It seemed like banana tacos to me, but I somehow politely avoided a try. 

The next day an assembly of items was put together that I was told would be offered to the sun god. I wasn’t sure exactly what that would involve. The street outside the house we are staying was decorated and this carpet was laid down. Blaring loud religious music was playing from loudspeakers all day. I’m told that before COVID and the eldest Aunt became ill, we would follow this path down to the Ganges River along with thousands of others to lay the offering on the banks.

 

Instead, we took an auto rickshaw down to the Ganges to retrieve water to fill up a baby pool on the roof. Yes, this really happened. Then the next eldest Aunt gets in the pool of Ganges water and holds each of these offering baskets made earlier in the day. Periodically someone is instructed to poor more of the holy (Ganges) water on her or the offering basket she is holding. 

The evening then ended with fireworks.

The last festival is coming up tomorrow. It’s a celebration of Goddess of the Universe- it’s a form of the Goddess celebrated during Dusshra what I wrote about a few years ago. These sweet cookie type things were made. They tasted kinda like gingerbread. Then the front porch type area was cleaned and this giant statue was wheeled in. I’m told a priest is coming tomorrow and at that time her face can be uncovered. Stay tuned!

 

Relative-ly Ready to Go Home

 I was quite certain that the process involved with staying with relatives in Patna would be challenging, but so far that has exceeded my expectations.  On one hand, I feel a bit guilty, as Shivali and I were given a special room with AC and a large, thick mattress. It also has a private bathroom, is on the ground floor and I'm told that everyone is informed not to enter. As much as I dislike being singled out, there are times it isn't just appreciated but necessary.  Accommodations here are rustic. This is a word I use a lot here because it is the best way I know how to compare to what I am accustomed to. It would be kind of like you rented a old cabin in the woods. That's the only way I know how to explain it.

                                                        Our safe space. LOL. The AC cage.

There are around 40 people staying at this house, and although it is fairly large in size, the congestion and chaos is borderline insane.  Everyone is very excited for the festival activities, but it's difficult for me to get too excited about praying to the 'sun god' and eating strange food combinations. I do my absolute best to not come across disrespectfully, but there is very little for me here.  I am here 100% for the benefit of my husband who loves these types of get-togethers with family.

Being raised in a very small family, I may not have the exposure to appreciate a gathering of this size. Everyone seems close and familiar to each other, yet they are many times what I would call distant relatives- if related at all.  At some level, I am envious of the strong connections and the sense of genuine fun and excitement they get from being around each other. It is both endearing and lovely to witness.   For me personally, it brings up a lot of feelings of isolation and loneliness, which sounds odd being around so many people, but let me put that in perspective for you.  Only 10% of people staying in this house speak English. Most of them are not accustomed to speaking it, so don't prefer to and aren't super comfortable.  Most of the time, the spoken language is completely unknown even though I know some words there is not enough there to follow along.  I've described this before as something like background music. I almost forget that there is a sound because I get so accustomed to ignoring it.

Then comes the food issue. The type of food served at a gathering like this is very typical Indian.  Not the type of Indian you get a Indian restaurant back home, but very typical fried vegetables and bread. Sometimes there is rice and dal (lentils), but it all pretty much looks and tastes the same and is rarely something I care to eat much.  Being on a healthy lifestyle right now, I am pretty much staying away from it all the time which is both alarming and concerning to my Indian relatives.  They don't understand things like protein water and fresh fruit for meals, but it works for me so I just roll with it.  I sometimes imagine transporting this group of people to my place and watching them attempt to survive on American food. I can only guess that they would feel pretty much the same.

After 12 days of adventure, I am well past the point of being ready to go home.  The problem is we have 4 more days to go staying here at this location.  As always, I'll do my very best to survive and get along.

Enlightenment in Progress

Roy was born and raised in the small northern town of Gaya. He says it’s the geographical size of  Green Bay, and although I struggle to grasp to size, it feels more like Little Chute to me with the population of Chicago. 

The town next door is called Bodhgaya and is a world-famous destination for Buddhists due to its origination of the religion. 

The plane here was 95% Buddhists and unlike most other places in India, the area has a fair amount of Caucasians which is always a welcome addition. Because the area is where Buddhism started, it is a constant pilgrimage destination, especially in the cooler winter months. 

We started out early to avoid the crowds and the heat. The temples are very elaborate and beautiful. It almost feels like we left India for a much further Eastern country. The temples are strewn all across one corner of the town and are free to visit. They are very beautiful and elaborate. 

The most visited temple is the location of the banyan tree that Buddha allegedly spent months or years under becoming enlightened, which resulted in the creation of Buddhism. There is a temple there that was apparently unearthed at some point where the monks come to meditate and chant. 

I was excited to visit this area because who doesn’t need a little enlightenment. I was sad to find out we couldn’t take any cameras inside due to an incident with a bomb a number of years ago. 

I was able to find pictures online so obviously someone snuck in a camera or they are from prior to the rule change. The banyon tree is a sapling from the original and is in a lovely shaded area where you can just sit on a cool marble ledge and contemplate life. I can’t confirm or deny I left more enlightened, but I definitely felt privileged for the opportunity to visit. 

Diwali Clean up

 Diwali is the biggest and most important Hindu festival of the year.  Large statues of gods are constructed, decorated, and worshipped over several days during the festival.   Once it is over, the statues are ceremoniously brought down to the river and submerged in what is considered a full-circle sacrifice to ensure the god will return again next year.

Although I have seen these statues before during Dussehra, I've never seen the process of bringing them to the river.   Because we are in a small town, apparently the procession is much more extravagant and there isn't any hesitation or repercussions of holding up traffic like there would be in Bangalore.

There is a virtually endless supply of these events to witness as individual families or neighborhoods would all get together and get their own statues made.  I saw 6-7 of these events just in the few hours we were driving around town.

Note the guys in charge of using the tall poles to push up the electrical wires so that the statue can safely pass.  😁  They are a pretty lively group!

Homecoming Week

Phase II of our trip started at 1:30am on Tuesday, the 14th when we woke up to catch a 6am flight to Calcutta and then another 40-minute flight to my husband's hometown of Gaya.  Since meeting him in the early 2000s, all he has ever talked about is wanting to take me to see his hometown.  From what I heard, I wasn't so sure I needed to see it, but the time has come so here I am.

Although he was born and raised in Gaya, which is in the Northern state of Bihar, he has gone to college and worked in Bangalore since he was 16.  Coming back here is both a blast from the past and a solemn reminder for him of how things once were.  Since his Dad's passing in 2012, the family has not had an occasion to visit so coming back has been both sad and bittersweet.

The town itself is quite small. The airport has 2 gates and only 2 planes that land here per day. The primary reason for any air service is the high volume of Buddhist tourists who visit the neighboring town of Bodhgaya where Buddhism started. The plane here was 99% Buddhists, many with fully shaved heads in monk attire.

We proceeded directly to the hotel, which I was assured was going to my liking.  I'm always a bit skeptical as standards vary widely and pictures online sometimes aren't even of the same place. Overall, I am satisfied with the place. It seems that few people are staying here now, even though it is a popular tourist time now that the weather is cooler, but I think the Buddhists likely stay closer to their pilgrimage spot and this hotel is on the outskirts.

As with most hotels I've stayed at in India, this one looks very nice from a distance, but it's the close-up where things get a bit questionable. 

There is a lot of the usual unfinished woodwork, torn carpet, and stained chairs, but also there was no hot water (when questioned the front desk said due to minimal guests they shut it off but will turn it back on tomorrow), the tv's don't work (a guy came today to fix it by turning it on and off and told me it would be on in 10 min, but an hour later it still isn't working), the continental restaurant has no available continental options in spite of them being on the menu, and the power has gone out twice already since I started writing this.

This lovely little decoration is outside our window ledge. I'm unsure how long it has been there or even how it got there since the window doesn't open.

On the positive side, the restaurant was able to provide some ice to go along with their 'chilled' room-temperature water.  I'm sure they have been waiting for years to use this ice bucket.

In addition to typical Indian food, many restaurants also have Chinese-type options.  These chicken egg rolls were actually pretty tasty.

We visited a famous Hindu temple today that doesn't allow any pictures, but apparently is the site of a Hindu demon being stomped into the ground and the footprint of the Lord Vishnu is there to prove it.  Just as we were going to enter the area, the guards informed us that the temple would close for an hour, but some of the visitors wouldn't take that for an answer and literally pushed their way in. The guards decided to rethink the closing time.   Inside, there was definitely a stone there that appeared to have a footprint-type marking on it. Everyone was kneeling down and giving it flowers and rice, bending their heads to touch it.  I can't confirm or deny it was a footprint of a god, but everyone seemed pretty happy to be there.

The temple area has lots of interesting happenings, such as this cow that can turn on the faucet when she wants a drink.

This cow tried to push Shivali in the lake.

This cute little girl washing clothes down by the river 😢

And of course, some cute homeless puppies I can't take home. 😭

After the temple, we ventured over to the neighborhood my husband's family used to live in to see if we could talk the new occupant into letting us take a peek inside.  She was a bit confused at first but obliged.  I was surprised by how emotional I felt looking around at his extremely humble upbringing. He shared a lot of stories about climbing the big front tree and sneaking out windows. The house is very small and hard to believe a family of 5 lived here, but I think it was very valuable for Shivali to see.

    

                    The Bathroom.                                             The front room, used as a bedroom.

We continued around town visiting several places where Roy and his family would hang out when they grew up, and people they knew.  It was an eye-opening experience I won't forget anytime soon.  Tomorrow we are visiting the Buddhist area and a few other things before we move on to Phase III.

I'm going to try and get to sleep before the power goes out again. SIGH.