The Good, The Bad and the Super Weird

I couldn't help but want to post this to give everyone a true flavor of what its like to be in India.  Some people think of India as a 3rd world country, full of poverty, snake charmers, and guys in turbans.  This is partially true but its also a little too stereo-typical.  Its important to understand the true India.

First, India is a developing country, meaning there are some modern facilities in place but lots more to do.  Some people may not realize but India was under British rule until 1947- which is not so many years ago if you really think about it.  As here, the British weren't super nice to the people there which limited their ability to grow and develop as a country.


Here is some good stuff:

You can purchase food and lots of different items in small stores all over town- for cheap. Walmart was forbidden (to date) from entering the Indian market.  They would reek havoc on the 'mom and pop' shops that are everywhere and everyone knows it, which is why they were never allowed to come.  You can get cheap stuff and pretty good variety, and the other good thing is they are open early morning to late night so when you need something you can get it.

Pharmacies don't need a prescription for most items.  Although this can also be considered bad, again there is a convenience here that you don't have to run to a doctor just to get some cold medicine or antibiotic.  I hear you do need a prescription for narcotics and things like this- so thats good.  Also these pharmacies are open early and late, and located everywhere, so thats nice and easy.

Transportation is cheap. Auto- rickshaws are everywhere and will take you miles and miles for a dollar or less. Some of these guys are a little snotty and won't leave their area of town but lots of them are friendly and most drive safe so thats good. The India government regulates these guys pretty good so they have to post their name and license and wear a brown shirt and pants which helps identify who they are.  Most of the autos are in good shape- although periodically you get in one that has a loose backseat bottom which slides around or is extra dirty or the guy drives way too fast, but for the most part this is a good source of transportation in a town where traffic is about as bad as it gets.

The shopping is awesome. There are parts of Bangalore (and I'm sure in most large cities) where there are streets and streets of vendors (like a flea market) selling jewelry, crafts, clothing and virtually anything else you can want. You can bargain pretty good with these guys and they again are open early and late.  Also in this area are all the small Tailor shops which will custom sew you almost anything you want.  I had 2 salwar suits (the long shirt and pants) custom made for me for around $15 (I brought the material). Its pretty amazing to have something made for your body-Indian people find it a little strange that we just buy all ready made stuff.  Also you can have the blouses made for a sari for pretty reasonable- I had 2 made for about $10 including adding lining to both sari's so it lays nice and isn't transparent where you don't want it to be.

There is a very historic, old world feel.  The temples are ancient and beautiful and lots of buildings have old carving and has a very interesting visual appeal.  India overall is visually interesting- especially Bangalore which has lots of greenery and flowers.
 Hindu Temple
Random street with some awesome greenery and flowers.


People overall are polite and helpful.  Although they stare an uncomfortable amount of time, I never felt threatened or unsafe. I do feel overwhelmed at times because of the large volume of people in most places, but people there are known to band together if someone is attempting to rob someone or even if someone is acting inappropriate (it wouldn't be uncommon for a teenage boy to get slapped by a stranger if he got a little too close to a girl) on the street.
 Here is a lady and her little girl we met at that religious function. I thought it was hilarious the little girl referred to the baby as 'foreigner'. btw- the old lady in the front I referred to as 'capital T' because I knew she was trouble the second I laid eyes on her. Roy's mom knew her from last year's function and although I couldn't understand much of what they talked about, I knew she was gossiping and probably thought we were a little crazy although she bought me some desserts and invited me to her house when we left.
Here is some bad:

Well, the poverty is quite real.  There are areas where people just set up camp. This is sad considering they don't have a home and do only a simple job which probably only earns them enough to eat. As far as I can see, there is no good government welfare-type program to help these people so they basically just fend for themselves.  If you ever want to read a good book about India- check out City of Joy. Sad, shocking, enlightening, and heart-warming all at the same time.

Volume of people. I guess the population is better under control now- but back in the day people had 10 or 15 kids so there are so many people living everywhere that its just so overcrowded its amazing. This adds to the litter, pollution, traffic and living issues.



Infrastructure issues. India has a ton of government corruption which is really sad.  Money that is allocated for schools never makes it there, food intended for the poor never get to them, and cops are in it for themselves vs serving the public.  This seems to be a very common problem that they just can't get a good handle on it.   Also, issues with power and water are all over the place. As I mentioned in previous entries- the power goes out a few times a day for an hour in the area where Roy's family stays, but back in their hometown I hear its out more than its on.  Also water is only released from the city once per day- so imagine turning on your faucet and not getting water. They store water on top of houses, which I can only imagine contributes to the water sanitation.

The street dogs really bug me.  Dogs are treated there kinda like how squirrels are treated here. They are everywhere, most people avoid them, and nobody really thinks of feeding them.  Some are hurt or sick and they are often violent in looking for food or defending their turf.  Its sad for me, as a dog lover, to see them wander looking for food and trying not to be hit by a car.  They are shockingly smart when it comes to knowing how to cross a 4 lane road filled with thousands of cars and not get hit.

The super weird:

McDonalds delivers.Considering this kind of fast food is new to India, having them deliver seems very odd to me and also the food never seemed quite as hot to me as I would like so knowing Indian punctuality, chances are good your food would be a iceberg by the time it arrived.

Apparently there is a group of people who I am told are neither male or female (they look like drag queens to me) and I guess if you give birth to a baby who has this medical condition, they somehow know this occurred and they come and get the baby and raise it for you.  I find it difficult to believe this is that common (although I know it happens) but I am guessing a lot of these guys are gay or transvestites and just want to dress up like women but Roy thinks they are truly unisex. (note; being gay is ILLEGAL in India)   I snapped this quick pic but was afraid of what they would do if they saw me take it.  (You can see them behind these 2 guys in front- the one is wearing a red sari)

Women are very cautious in the way they dress.  Although they can wear a sari which allows for a short blouse many times showing your stomach and back, virtually nobody shows their leg or shoulders and chest/neck area.  I saw women in full sari's swimming at an amusement park, while men swam in their underwear and nobody seemed to mind.  Women also prefer to remove hair from their arms vs legs or underarms- which seems odd to me but I guess goes along with the custom of being covered in those areas.  Here is me with a little more stomach skin than I'm accustomed to- but thankfully no leg is showing...LOL

People honk their horns nonstop. After awhile you don't notice it and it seems super quiet here, but overall this is strange.  As far as I can tell, people do it to alert others to your presence or to tell people to move over (for reserved people, this seems strange to me). Even big trucks encourage this by writing these types of messages on the back:


Some things aren't funny- or maybe just their brand of humor is different such as this wrapper from Taco Bell:

Arranged marriages freak me out.  This is the 'norm' in India and I really don't get it.  I guess its usually the family elders or widows who really get into this and there are all sort of unwritten rules related to caste and part of the country that govern how people get together.  Generally its something like- your family knows some family and through discussion they determine their kids are a good match so once dowry (although technically illegal- but now referred to as gifts) is agreed upon, and priest determines if their astrology info matches up (apparently if it doesn't you can do ceremonies and other things to get around this) 

In the pic below, Roy's college friend was getting engaged. (yes this is done via ceremony not the 'popped question' as we are accustomed to) You can tell the girl is super nervous and I felt bad for her as I heard she hardly knew or spoke to her to-be groom prior to this day. I am not at all comfortable with someone picking my future spouse, but in talking to one of Roy's local friends Ravi- he shed a little light on it for me.  I asked if the guy in this pic would be bringing the girl to this get together we would be having one night and he said no it wouldn't be common for a guy and girl who are getting married to spend too much time together. The elders don't like to seem them get to know each other too, too well in order to prevent them from forming opinions prematurely. If they dont' know each other too well, after marriage they will grow together going down the same path vs going off in 2 different directions. Indians must know what their doing because the divorce rate is almost non existent and you could argue that women are just too meek to divorce guys here but the people overall are both very dedicated and truly believe in staying together for life no matter what.  Even though I object, there was a small piece of logic to this that seemed to make sense.

 India is both the strangest and most interesting place I have even been. I both hate it and love it at the same time.  I feel very at home and very foreign when I am there.  I miss it a lot now but die to come home.

Only in India

India is a country of extremes- some of the richest people on the planet live in India, as do some of the poorest.  There are multi-million dollar high rise buildings right next to neighborhood slums of tarp and cardboard box houses. One minute you are driving down a clean street with center medians filled with tropical flowers and sidewalks with nice benches where you can almost feel you are in Miami, but then you look across the street and there is a broken out building with stray dogs outside and piles of garbage everywhere.

There are also some things unique to India, like religion.  As I talked about earlier, India is 80% Hindu.  Hindus overall are a peaceful group- very religious, faithful, and dedicated.  I think this religion is somewhat misinterpreted, especially by Americans who deal pretty straightforward in facts and science.  Most Hindu's worship statues of gods, which off the bat seems pretty strange to most people not familiar.  Also, in Hinduism there is some 330 million or so gods- which again seems to be a pretty big contradiction to Catholicism.   But when you dig a little deeper you find that Hinduism simply refers to all things created by God as gods- so the god of wealth, the god of the sky, the god of fire, etc.  I think most Catholics can agree that these things are created by God, so ultimately can be considered sacred- its just that Hindus get a little more specific.  There are 3 main gods in Hinduism:
Brahma- the creator, Vishnu- the protector, and Shiva- the destroyer; also known as the Trimurti (My fellow Catholics: sound familiar?...The Holy Trinity??)

On the recent Hindu holiday Dussehra, one of the days was devoted to worship of all 'tools' meaning anything you use to make your living so people typically decorate their transportation- here are some pics:

yes, apparently this guy's transportation is a buffalo (we know this as a long horned bull- but in India they call this a buffalo)

I personally find this kind of passion about anything very noble.

Here are some more 'Only in India' moments:

 Random Cow

 Guy who apparently needed a nap

 Not a construction site, just an empty lot

 Guy on his roof wearing a skirt AND a turban

 When they say roadside shopping, they mean literally road-side

 Kids are dressed up like this, right next to men in pink shirts and skinny jeans

 One of a million roadside shops like mini-Walmarts selling wide variety of products

 Back alley where you can have a teenage boy sew you a shirt for less than $5 from scratch (I referred to this area as sketchy-ville...btw, people lived down this alley behind alice in wonderland type small doors)

 Family on a motorcycle

More random cows in traffic

You're so right Dorothy

Thats right....theres no place like home.   Landed at ORD at 4:30 Saturday after the world's longest flight. Leaving India was pretty sad, Roy's family was pretty upset and I realized the full impact of the complication of our relationship. We had lots of discussion about whats next- as far as us coming back, them coming here but its not cheap or easy so will take some work on both ends.

Getting home and seeing my kids was a big relief- missed them tons and in Kaila's words; she wants to see the baby, collect her gifts, and go to bed. (thanks a lot...)

I have a few stories I still want to share, so I'm going to write a few more entries and add some additional pics.  I have gotten some great feedback on the blog overall, so thanks for letting me share this experience with you and I plan to continue periodically as well as when we return to India or when the relatives travel here.  Should be equally good reading when they come here considering I spent a fair amount of time discussing American life norms- like going through the Kohls ad and explaining the purpose of all the various inventions (i.e. quesadilla maker, a omlet pan, shower curtain) and also why its not necessary for companies here to provide transportation to and from work for their employees (Most Indian outsourcing companies would provide bus transportation for employees because of the horrible traffic and the fact that many people don't have a drivers license or means of transportation there. My other theory is that Indians aren't known for their punctuality, so I think this assures arriving to work on time although I would never get Roy to agree this is the case)

If you haven't already, go ahead and sign up for email feeds so your alerted to new posts and as always, comments or questions are welcomed!

Happy Dussehra!

So the main reason we traveled to India at this time was to be here for the Hindu festival of Dussehra (pronounced: Dush-Ra).  It is the biggest holidays and most important that the Hindus celebrate.  Apparently it is celebrated differently in different parts of India, so my Indian family being from the North but living in the South feel a little out of their element as things are celebrated in a 'strange' (according to them) way.

The festival is centered around the Hindu Goddess Durga and her accomplishments of eliminating demons back in the day.  There are 6 days that are celebrated (in the North) but here in Bangalore they mainly celebrate the last 2.   There are giant statues of Durga placed at various locations around the city that people then come to visit, worship, and to just overall get together and eat, socialize- and or me; people watching at its best.

Some of the days you don't do much.  Roy's mom would do prayers in the house, but we didn't go to the place where the god was kept.  So Wednesday we got up and decked out in our Indian gear and left for the town hall type place.  Here are some pics:

After some prayers they serve a free lunch- vegetarian.....but its ok.  No forks are provided, so I made due and then we left for the next stop- another goddess statue at a different place.  This time- the palace grounds.  I looked all over for the actual palace, but only found old buildings, stray dogs, and of course tons of people.  The convention hall was actually pretty nice- air conditioned with tons of crystal chandeliers, yet part of it was open and there indoor/outdoor carpet just kinda draped everywhere.  Then I made the mistake of wanting to go to the bathroom.  In  a place this nice, the bathroom was basically make-shift, outside and the equivalent to a really bad campground bathroom.  Dirty, smelly and of course no TP.  Luckily I come prepared.  Here is a pic of the hall:

We left here and decided to go get something to eat.  Since it was a chicken day (as I call the days we are allowed to have chicken....which are few and far between here due to Roy's mom's religious beliefs) we went to one of my favorite Indian restaurants here.  So after a demented game of frogger (i.e. crossing a busy 4 lane road) we found an auto rickshaw that will take us there. (This is super cheap travel here- you can go quite a ways for a buck or two, but lots of these guys are lazy and would rather stand around an gossip vs take people places and when you find one who wants to drive they don't want to leave their little area because then they have to drive back)

After enjoying a nice dinner of butter chicken and chili chicken and various breads, we headed back to the original 'town hall' place for the big event.  There are flaming pots of coals that various spectators will take in their hands and dance around in front of the god statue.  So of course, my husband wants to be the first to do this (even though this is how he got the burn on the end of his nose and on the palm of his hand when he was around 20).   Unfortunately my camera was out of battery by then, so no pics, but it was certainly a sight to see!

The festival people (mainly Bengali) were very warm and welcoming to me.  They more looked and smiled vs stared like people on the street.  The were surprised to see me wearing the Bengali bangles and red bindi (dot on my forehead) that married women here wear.  Overall, interesting and fun. Lets be honest- its no Christmas, but I can see how it would be entertaining to attend this year after year.
Here are some more pics:

A Religious Experience Like No Other

Hindu families will periodically request a priest to come to their home and perform a religious ceremony for good luck or to bless an event.  Roy's family had requested this to occur for both Roy and my marriage as well as the birth of the baby and overall family well being. 

I wasn't totally sure what to expect.  One day when we came home from shopping, the priest was here discussing the specifics.  He didn't look overly priest-like, he was young dressed in plain clothing but I have seen many Hindu priests and know they look differently when they do their prayer ceremonies.

The morning of the ceremony, we cleaned the whole house thoroughly and cleared the living room completely of furniture.  Roy and his Dad went shopping for a whole list of items including fruits, vegetables, rice, desserts, etc.  They laid these all out in the living room and also his sister painted a design on the ground where apparently they will do the worship.  Here is a pic:

During these religious ceremonies, you don't eat before they occur so I had heard at first that the priest is coming at noon and it would last about an hour so I didn't think that was too bad. However, when noon came and went and they were not yet dressed or at all concerned, I knew that it was going to be awhile.  And actually I should have known better because nothing here starts on time.  Indians don't have the same time concept as Americans- thats for sure.

Around 2, he finally showed up.  He brought more items with him that he began to immediately set up.  A little alter was created in which he placed the god statue.  Apparently nobody is able to touch this statue and he keeps it in a bag around his neck covered by his scarf.  He set things up in a very methodical way.  I didn't understand what he was all doing, but his mom immediately joined in and handed him items- milk, rice, flowers, etc.  She also started cutting up the fruit and veges and putting it on these big plates.  I wasn't sure why, but I guessed I would find out.

He then started his prayers.  We all sat around him as he chanted, threw flowers at the statue, and mixed combinations of the items laying around him.  I wasn't sure what he was saying or doing, but I watched attentively. (The guy in orange is the priest)

Periodically he would ask for a family member to say something or bring something and at one point he was doing blessings for Roy and the baby.

As the time went on, and he chanted and continued to put ingredients together, I started to wonder how he knew how to do these things.  How did he know what combinations of flowers, fruit, nuts, etc to put together and for what reason.  I also selfishly wondered what time he might be done with that since I was starving at this point (although I had snuck a few cookies from my suitcase while getting dressed in the morning.

The funniest part was when the priest was in the middle of his prayers and suddently his cell phone went off!  And the ringtone was some modern dance music! It was inside one of the bags he brought, so everyone just kinda looked at each other and snickered.  As he continued, his cell phone went off a second time.  This time, Roy's dad started dancing in his seat...I almost lost it at this point. Luckily Debika reached into his bag to turn it off, while I imagined someone kicking a puppy (one of the most non-funny things I can think of) which I always do in order not to laugh.

For the grand finale, he decided to start a fire in the house.  I knew Roy had gotten bricks and sand from a nearby construction site (giving the guy 20 rupees to hand them over) but wasn't sure exactly how this was going to go.  Well, I'll let the video explain:

After the fire went out, apparently it was time to eat.  I learned the cut up fruit and sweets were for us, which was good.  They were all laid out so they would be blessed and then ready for us to eat.   By this point some of Roy's college friends had come over.  The room was full of about 20 or so people.
After the priest left and everyone was munching, I started to feel a little overwhelmed.  Everyone was talking amongst themselves in various languages but I was just kinda there.  I ended up going into the bedroom by the baby who was sleeping and just kinda laid there with her.   After awhile Roy came in and I admit- I had a little mini breakdown.  Not totally sure why but I think just missing home and it does make me feel a little lonely and left out when everyone in a room is speaking a language you don't understand.  Roy took me to McDonalds and shopping after this, so life was good again.

Festival activities posted next!

Meet the Fam!

I thought I would introduce you to my wonderful extended family here. You cannot imagine how warm, generous and thoughtful they are. They aren't just hospitable, they are completely selfless when it comes to making sure we are comfortable and happy. Its very heart warming.

Everyday Roy's dad walks down the street to get new bottled water for me and baby- the best brand here, to make sure we stay safe. He was buying big jugs but I guess we were going through it a little fast and the other day he came home with a giant water bottle you put upside down on a dispenser.  How he hauled this up 4 floors- don't know.

As some of you may know, we found out he had periampulary cancer (of the connection points of the liver,pancreas,stomach, and intestine) earlier this year.  As you can imagine, the family was devastated. He spent 4 months in Mumbai and had surgery and is now having chemo here in Bangalore. He seems to be doing quite well so far. He went for  a ultrasound a few days back and everything looked good (btw- people here don't typically have insurance here, so pay for services as they are rendered. The ultrasound cost 800 rupees, which is around $15, which Roy happily paid)

Here he is with Shivali:

Roy's mom works all day- cleaning, cooking, taking care of everyone. Most of her work she does by hand, which she seems to prefer.  She is very religious so follows all these Hindu and regional religious customs of not eating certain foods on certain days, doing prayers in the house (they have a closet sized room devoted to worship), and other customs like not eating until all the housework is done, prayers are finished and cooked for everyone and they are done eating.  She is a very mild mannered traditional woman.  She finds me entertaining I think. She doesn't know much English, so we can't talk much but we find a way to communicate or someone translates which works ok.

Here she is giving the baby a massage before her bath, which apparently is a main grandma job.

Roy is the oldest child, and has 2 sisters.  His oldest is named Debika.  She is short and tiny with long curly hair to her waist. She is the more traditional sister and is very easy going.  She works in a call center for JP Morgan doing HR support. I laugh at the way she talks sometimes because she has been given vocal training to lesson her accent and sometimes I feel she sounds Amish (which I had to explain the concept to her).  She is currently engaged- we sorta.  She worked with a guy named Shubro. He is super nice.  The last time I was here, I could tell he liked her but nobody would ever admit this.  Apparently at some point her parents thought it might be good for them to get married. So they talked to her and I think she thought of him just as a friend but once they suggested marrying him I guess she was ok.  So they approached him and I think he was more than happy about this idea.  So I would call this a semi-arranged marriage.  They seem happy, and because he is also Bengali and from the highest caste (their social structure here), he is a good catch.

Roy's youngest sister is named Dipika (you can look back at the older ones name now- Debika, yes they are closely named after their father)   She goes to college- fashion design school.  She is very un-Indian if you ask me.  She doesn't eat much Indian food, hates spicy things and doesn't seem to want to do any of the prayers or traditional things important to most people.  I like her, we spend a lot of time talking and she seems very American-ish to me.  She is a little more spunky, which I think is cute, but the family seems to get a little irritated with her.

Here are a couple of house pictures-
Here is their apartment from the outside (most people rent here vs own)

Here is a cool panoramic of the view from the balcony (very Agriba looking, from the Aladdin movie if you ask me)

Here is the prayer room I mentioned earlier:

Here it is typically to take and 'Indian Bath' which consists of dumping cups of water over your head from a large bucket.  I didn't understand this concept but have a little better understanding now. Water is released from the city only once per day- a kind of 'crowd control' for water. So everyone has these big storage tanks on the roof. Water is not typically heated (although we do have a small solar powered water heater here).  So people fill these big buckets in the bathroom and let the water sit to heat it otherwise its too cold to shower in.  The other strange thing to me is that the shower area is right in the bathroom so the whole room gets wet. This is a European concept, which I don't personally like but nobody seems to mind.

And by popular demand- here is the famous Indian toilet (which I refer to as the hole in the ground) but apparently this one has a flush.  For obvious reasons, I stick to the Western bathroom.  There is a bucket and mug that also goes along with this- for what; I'll let you figure that out. (hint: there is no TP here

What are you Deprived of?

This is a question my son Jordan had to ask himself while working on a school project recently.  And you know what- he couldn't come up with a single thing.  Ok, besides the latest toy (he has a room full of toys) or his own computer (we have several) or maybe his own car (hes 11 and can't drive).

Looking around here, its so obvious how we live back home is so overindulgent. Most people can afford to and will purchase whatever they need/want at anytime.  We have no idea how lucky we are.  There are so many people here who literally work all day just to feed themselves and their family.  There was a lady I saw the other day sitting on the corner selling flowers (the women in this part of India like to wear them in their hair, however, my husband told me that in Northern India where he is from only ladies of the night would do this).   Roy told me that it would be common for her to get up early in the morning to go to the big market to purchase these flowers in bulk.  She normally borrows money (100 rupees or apx $2) from someone (people do this to make extra money, loaning money everyday to dozens of people for a small percentage of interest) to buy the flowers and the thread to string them.  Then she sits on the ground on a busy and hot street corner all day trying to sell them.  They don't last long in this weather so if they don't sell, she is out the money.  If she does well, she has enough to eat and maybe to buy flowers herself the next day without a loan.

There is a guy outside my window right now yelling- potatoes!  I hear these guys a couple of times a day selling vegetables or one day I saw a lady selling those stick broom things or these rolled up matts that people use to sit on the floor (which they prefer here).  They would walk around all day pushing carts or carrying these on top of their head.  Going up and down the busy and dirty streets trying to sell these.  This is a very common way for thousands (probably hundreds of thousands) of people to make money here just to buy the basic essentials.

Indians are interesting when it comes to money.  They are master-savers.  Unlike Americans who continually have a need to upgrade, Indian people save or invest (in gold or insurance bonds) any extra money they have.  They also make due with everything they have.  They don't throw things away ever. I see his mom re-purposing every container, bag, and piece of anything in their house.  While they most likely have plenty of money to purchase new things or better things (Roy's dad has a good job with the Indian Railways- which is huge here) they just don't.   We purchased them gifts when coming here, simple things like a small battery vacuum for his mom.  You can tell she likes it, but is hesitant to change (like writing checks at the grocery store- right Tina...LOL).  She would never think to buy this vacuum for herself to make her jobs easier. She also has a washing machine we bought her a few years ago, but everyday so far I have seen her handwash the clothes in the bathroom.

It definitely makes you think about what is important. People here seem happy in spite of not having the latest contraption or gadget on the market, a recent model year car (forget that, nobody hardly has a car), thousands of shoes and brand name clothes, or a big house filled with tons of everything.
Makes me think we should definitely try and live a little more simple and forget the rat race of keeping up with the Jones'. I absolutely have everything I need- Health, Family, enough money to be comfortable and save for a rainy day, and Happiness.