As I was laying in bed this morning trying to go back to sleep, I had an idea for this post. Although I wanted to continue sleeping, I was unsuccessfully blocking out the sounds of street vendors calling out their various wares as they travel through the neighborhood (so help me God if I ever remember to keep eggs near the bed they are going to get it), random dogs barking everywhere, and the squeak of the bathroom door I have begged Roy to oil as the 12 relatives go in and out of the bathroom each morning.
I started thinking about the things that make India feel really different for me and came up with the major 4: Food, clothing, shelter, and money.
Lets start with food: Coming from a place where variety and accessibility is king, sometimes being in India is very frustrating in the food department for me. I have grown accustomed to many Indian foods and quite enjoy many different items, but the reality for me is most of it tastes so similar (having the same basic ingredients and spices) that my flair for variety shortly begins to ache for something different. I really do try my best to go along with it, but at times like this where we have many relatives staying with us, the differences in our eating styles becomes really evident. I flip flop between wanting to fit in and wanting to stand out and be proud of my differences. I may never know which is 'right', but I truly try my best to balance both the opinion of everyone and my own self happiness.
In addition, the timing of eating here is vastly different. People don't seem to be big on breakfast and frequently wonder around for many hours in bed clothing and without showing before even thinking of having any type of breakfast (outside of tea which seems to be a mandatory). While I prefer toast or cereal, most people here want noodles or some local foods which are less than appealing to me. It puts us in a awkward spot of knowing whether to just cook up some toast and eat it or wait and see what everyone is going to do. (I write this as I sit starving at 9am)
The other daily meals are not at all scheduled or seemingly planned. Maybe someone knows what we are having and when, but I am not privy to this information. Most dinner meals are served well after 9pm or later, and people seems perfectly ok to sit on the floor with plates and small bowls and eat with their hands. There is a small dining table here, but people rarely sit at it.
I also sit and watch my MIL and oldest SIL make, serve and re-serve the entire group prior to even considering sitting down to eat themselves. They don't' seem at all concerned about the food being cold or lacking by the time their turn comes to eat. I have always watched my own mother do most of the cooking and serving for family gathering, always sitting nearest to the kitchen so she can get up if someone needs more of something, but this felt really extreme to me and quite unfair.
Moving on to clothing. This always proves an interesting challenge for me while I'm here. Women in India are notoriously modest and discreet. Typical clothing is extensive, complicated, and concealed which in my world equals HOT and SWEATY. Women here never show their legs and prefer to wear baggy pants, if wearing pants at all vs the typical sari, and frequently have a matching scarf which should even further cover your chest and provide even more privacy from the ever present leering and staring from the opposite sex.
It is always interesting to me to see that although legs and upper chest/arms are off limits, having your entire stomach and back bare is perfectly acceptable. Even in your own home, women are discreet and covered up, wearing long house dresses-frequently with scarves, covering and almost always (as far as I am aware) wearing all under clothes to bed and around the house.
I find I get a better reaction, or should I say a lessor reaction when I wear a typical salwar suit (long shirt./baggy pants) vs my normal clothes (normal for here would be pants and a modest shirt). I saw a girl yesterday in the market in a tank top and daisy duke shorts- of course she was white, but I told my SIL she was surely European or Australian. While this outfit is perfect normal and in my opinion, very acceptable back home, when in Rome applies here and that kind of outfit just draws unnecessary attention.
In terms of shelter, the thing that always leaves me the most confused is how seemingly happy people are with staying and sleeping together in close quarters. They live in joint families with little to no privacy and when in town, the basic expectation is to stay with your nearest relatives, friend, or acquaintance. Nobody seems or expresses to be inconvenienced, but just warmly accept whoever shows up. I'm perceptive enough to know that an Indian would never complain out loud about an unexpected houseguest, but that there probably is some hard feelings at times.
As many times as I travel here, I am always surprised how willing people are to just lay down on the floor (with a little mat and thick hard blanket type 'bed') laying next to aunts/uncles/cousins/parents. No matter what age or how far the relationship, they just make do and again- nobody seems to mind.
Luckily, we have the bedroom with the attached western bathroom and a big king sized bed (although hard as a rock) in which Jordan, Shivali, and I share (which would seem odd to most Americans) this is pretty much a luxury here.
Everyone kinda makes themselves at home while visiting and seems to feel no shyness related to digging in the fridge or making food or doing almost anything within the house. It is actually quite amazing to watch, although for me it is quite a foreign concept.
Lastly, I wanted to talk a little about money. In India, families basically 'share' money. It is a concept that makes me nervous. I am told there is an unsaid process for paying and collecting back money, but I don't seem to witness it much or understand exactly how it works. People seem to never 'pay for themselves' when at a restaurant or buying things for a group, but later on somehow settle up.
I never mind paying for people in a setting where it is reciprocated like at a bar where you buy, then I buy and have never considered myself to be selfish or a hoarder of money, but how money is handled here is just very strange to me. I really do prefer to have a little separation of money and not allow it to get in between family members or have bad feelings that someone didn't return 'my' money, etc.
Apparently later this week we will venture out into one of India's famous hill stations- which is something like back home up north camping. They are very green with lots of mountains and scenic beauty. Issue is, there is nothing planned out as far as where we would stay, how we would eat, and who pays what. Roy says we can't ask about it and one of the aunts requested to go somewhere like this, so he is obligated to plan it. In my mind, they wouldn't expect us to pay for everything, but at this point I have no clue and am seemingly powerless to try and figure it out. No choice but to go with the flow and see how it plays out. These things make the statement 'going outside of your comfort zone' sound like the biggest underestimate of the year.
Oh, back to food for a second. It is 10:30 am now and the relatives must have decided it was time to eat. They began making some quick food- regular toast with butter. Funny thing is eat person is eating at least 6 slices of toast. Here we go again.....
I started thinking about the things that make India feel really different for me and came up with the major 4: Food, clothing, shelter, and money.
Lets start with food: Coming from a place where variety and accessibility is king, sometimes being in India is very frustrating in the food department for me. I have grown accustomed to many Indian foods and quite enjoy many different items, but the reality for me is most of it tastes so similar (having the same basic ingredients and spices) that my flair for variety shortly begins to ache for something different. I really do try my best to go along with it, but at times like this where we have many relatives staying with us, the differences in our eating styles becomes really evident. I flip flop between wanting to fit in and wanting to stand out and be proud of my differences. I may never know which is 'right', but I truly try my best to balance both the opinion of everyone and my own self happiness.
In addition, the timing of eating here is vastly different. People don't seem to be big on breakfast and frequently wonder around for many hours in bed clothing and without showing before even thinking of having any type of breakfast (outside of tea which seems to be a mandatory). While I prefer toast or cereal, most people here want noodles or some local foods which are less than appealing to me. It puts us in a awkward spot of knowing whether to just cook up some toast and eat it or wait and see what everyone is going to do. (I write this as I sit starving at 9am)
The other daily meals are not at all scheduled or seemingly planned. Maybe someone knows what we are having and when, but I am not privy to this information. Most dinner meals are served well after 9pm or later, and people seems perfectly ok to sit on the floor with plates and small bowls and eat with their hands. There is a small dining table here, but people rarely sit at it.
I also sit and watch my MIL and oldest SIL make, serve and re-serve the entire group prior to even considering sitting down to eat themselves. They don't' seem at all concerned about the food being cold or lacking by the time their turn comes to eat. I have always watched my own mother do most of the cooking and serving for family gathering, always sitting nearest to the kitchen so she can get up if someone needs more of something, but this felt really extreme to me and quite unfair.
Moving on to clothing. This always proves an interesting challenge for me while I'm here. Women in India are notoriously modest and discreet. Typical clothing is extensive, complicated, and concealed which in my world equals HOT and SWEATY. Women here never show their legs and prefer to wear baggy pants, if wearing pants at all vs the typical sari, and frequently have a matching scarf which should even further cover your chest and provide even more privacy from the ever present leering and staring from the opposite sex.
It is always interesting to me to see that although legs and upper chest/arms are off limits, having your entire stomach and back bare is perfectly acceptable. Even in your own home, women are discreet and covered up, wearing long house dresses-frequently with scarves, covering and almost always (as far as I am aware) wearing all under clothes to bed and around the house.
I find I get a better reaction, or should I say a lessor reaction when I wear a typical salwar suit (long shirt./baggy pants) vs my normal clothes (normal for here would be pants and a modest shirt). I saw a girl yesterday in the market in a tank top and daisy duke shorts- of course she was white, but I told my SIL she was surely European or Australian. While this outfit is perfect normal and in my opinion, very acceptable back home, when in Rome applies here and that kind of outfit just draws unnecessary attention.
In terms of shelter, the thing that always leaves me the most confused is how seemingly happy people are with staying and sleeping together in close quarters. They live in joint families with little to no privacy and when in town, the basic expectation is to stay with your nearest relatives, friend, or acquaintance. Nobody seems or expresses to be inconvenienced, but just warmly accept whoever shows up. I'm perceptive enough to know that an Indian would never complain out loud about an unexpected houseguest, but that there probably is some hard feelings at times.
As many times as I travel here, I am always surprised how willing people are to just lay down on the floor (with a little mat and thick hard blanket type 'bed') laying next to aunts/uncles/cousins/parents. No matter what age or how far the relationship, they just make do and again- nobody seems to mind.
Luckily, we have the bedroom with the attached western bathroom and a big king sized bed (although hard as a rock) in which Jordan, Shivali, and I share (which would seem odd to most Americans) this is pretty much a luxury here.
Everyone kinda makes themselves at home while visiting and seems to feel no shyness related to digging in the fridge or making food or doing almost anything within the house. It is actually quite amazing to watch, although for me it is quite a foreign concept.
Lastly, I wanted to talk a little about money. In India, families basically 'share' money. It is a concept that makes me nervous. I am told there is an unsaid process for paying and collecting back money, but I don't seem to witness it much or understand exactly how it works. People seem to never 'pay for themselves' when at a restaurant or buying things for a group, but later on somehow settle up.
I never mind paying for people in a setting where it is reciprocated like at a bar where you buy, then I buy and have never considered myself to be selfish or a hoarder of money, but how money is handled here is just very strange to me. I really do prefer to have a little separation of money and not allow it to get in between family members or have bad feelings that someone didn't return 'my' money, etc.
Apparently later this week we will venture out into one of India's famous hill stations- which is something like back home up north camping. They are very green with lots of mountains and scenic beauty. Issue is, there is nothing planned out as far as where we would stay, how we would eat, and who pays what. Roy says we can't ask about it and one of the aunts requested to go somewhere like this, so he is obligated to plan it. In my mind, they wouldn't expect us to pay for everything, but at this point I have no clue and am seemingly powerless to try and figure it out. No choice but to go with the flow and see how it plays out. These things make the statement 'going outside of your comfort zone' sound like the biggest underestimate of the year.
Oh, back to food for a second. It is 10:30 am now and the relatives must have decided it was time to eat. They began making some quick food- regular toast with butter. Funny thing is eat person is eating at least 6 slices of toast. Here we go again.....
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