As you probably recall, the purpose of this trip to India was to complete the 1 year death rituals for my FIL to 'cleanse' the family of the death. We strategically planned it for June 9, the day before Shivali's 3rd birthday, because you should not celebrate any holidays or events during that one year post death and it was necessary for us to be super clean by June 10th so we could throw a party.
A few details about these rituals I was not privy to:
1. You cannot eat non-veg food the day before and the day of the ritual. Not a big deal for most people here as being a vegetarian is India is as common as being chunky in America. However, we aren't raised like this and there are times it can pose a challenge, but between rice, Indian spicy mixed vegetables, and the mac and cheese boxes we brought from home we managed just fine.
2. Roy was supposed to shave his head. There are only 2 times in a Hindu males life when he shaves his head- when his father dies and again when his mother dies. (Unless he is balding, then I think anything goes) Of course, like everything here they are technicalities and loopholes to consider and the ever present absence of details. Apparently on the 1 year anniversary ritual of the mother and father's death he should also shave his head, so obviously I was not thrilled about that idea but it is not something I can do more than roll my eyes about. The good news is that the relatives decided it was not necessary, so my husband's beautiful head of hair is still fully intact.
The rituals were set to take place around noon, so Roy is not supposed eat or hardly drink prior. I partially feel bad for him, but on the other hand, it is always the women in Hindu religion that do all the fasting and sacrificing so I think if he has to skip a few meals for the sake of his Father he will be just fine.
Roy showered and dressed in his basic white cloth that the priest brought along and prepared for what would amount to 3 hours sitting cross-legged on the marble floor. I am always amazed to watch this priest do his thing because I can't decide if he is just really methodical or he makes it up as he goes along. He systemically puts flowers together with leaves and nuts with rice stirred together in a small pot. He puts incense sticks into tiny bananas and chants in Sanskrit to an almost song-type melody. He is quite interesting to watch and has commented to the family before how intently I watch him, although I think he is just accustomed to Indian behavior at religious events which consists of tuning in and out, talking and walking out of the room for undefined periods of time.
When it was all said and done, everyone was exhausted and we feasted on a meal of rice with Mutter Paneer (Peas and cheese) and just lounged around. Roy and I decided to go out and order a birthday cake for Shivali's birthday and maybe grab a snack. I feel bad for not bringing her birthday present along, but it is huge and we all know a 3 year old can only handle so many presents at once.
I was surprised to learn that apparently one of the Aunts suggested we have another type of auspicious ritual for Shivali's birthday to celebrate the cleansing as well as bless her. Apparently it is a bad omen to even imply that ritual shouldn't happen after someone else suggests it, but I was pretty much ritualed out at that point. For whatever reason they decided the priest should come over again at 7am the next morning. Knowing we hardly ever go to bed before 11 or midnight, I wasn't sure how this would be possible but at least it would give me something to write about.
I woke up this morning around 6:30 and panicked for a second thinking I wouldn't have enough time to be ready (everyone in the house needs to be showered and the house should be clean before the priest comes). I quickly jumped into the shower thinking I would be one of the first done and then be able to lounge around. I shouldn't have been surprised upon existing our room to find everyone else still sleeping at 7am. They were shocked I was ready and Naked Uncle commented 'That is the reason her country runs so smoothly and ours is a mess' or something to that degree. The priest didn't show up until at least 11 this morning and this time I did feel bad for Roy who again couldn't eat before the ritual.
These rituals are shorter and less complicated and luckily involve no head shaving, big white bed sheets, or multiple hours on the floor. They do, however, involve a fire which is generally my favorite part. This time all various fruits were cut up and offered to the god, which will eventually be blessed and ours to eat. I was happy to see they got pomegranate and watermelon- yum.
It is always interesting to me to watch how into the rituals the older women are. Although I don't understand everything and it is a tad ritualistic for my taste, I always admire people with such passion and dedication to anything. They take the rituals every serious and cherish every item blessed by the priest like it is made of gold. It isn't until the priest leaves that everyone complains about him, including his lack of punctuality and his blunt request for additional fees. Like most things in India, even the ritual process is contradictory and confusing.
I guess tonight we are going out shopping, which I always enjoy. Still not sure what is going on the rest of the trip as I also learned the relatives are staying until the 15th which is just a day and a half before we leave. As always, I somehow manage to adjust and even find myself enjoying our interaction (although 99% through translation). We spent a large amount of time this morning (while waiting for the priest) talking about America and how things are done, how homes are built, money, food, etc. I truly appreciate their willingness and desire to learn about my world and never wanting to impose theirs on me.
A few details about these rituals I was not privy to:
1. You cannot eat non-veg food the day before and the day of the ritual. Not a big deal for most people here as being a vegetarian is India is as common as being chunky in America. However, we aren't raised like this and there are times it can pose a challenge, but between rice, Indian spicy mixed vegetables, and the mac and cheese boxes we brought from home we managed just fine.
2. Roy was supposed to shave his head. There are only 2 times in a Hindu males life when he shaves his head- when his father dies and again when his mother dies. (Unless he is balding, then I think anything goes) Of course, like everything here they are technicalities and loopholes to consider and the ever present absence of details. Apparently on the 1 year anniversary ritual of the mother and father's death he should also shave his head, so obviously I was not thrilled about that idea but it is not something I can do more than roll my eyes about. The good news is that the relatives decided it was not necessary, so my husband's beautiful head of hair is still fully intact.
The rituals were set to take place around noon, so Roy is not supposed eat or hardly drink prior. I partially feel bad for him, but on the other hand, it is always the women in Hindu religion that do all the fasting and sacrificing so I think if he has to skip a few meals for the sake of his Father he will be just fine.
Roy showered and dressed in his basic white cloth that the priest brought along and prepared for what would amount to 3 hours sitting cross-legged on the marble floor. I am always amazed to watch this priest do his thing because I can't decide if he is just really methodical or he makes it up as he goes along. He systemically puts flowers together with leaves and nuts with rice stirred together in a small pot. He puts incense sticks into tiny bananas and chants in Sanskrit to an almost song-type melody. He is quite interesting to watch and has commented to the family before how intently I watch him, although I think he is just accustomed to Indian behavior at religious events which consists of tuning in and out, talking and walking out of the room for undefined periods of time.
When it was all said and done, everyone was exhausted and we feasted on a meal of rice with Mutter Paneer (Peas and cheese) and just lounged around. Roy and I decided to go out and order a birthday cake for Shivali's birthday and maybe grab a snack. I feel bad for not bringing her birthday present along, but it is huge and we all know a 3 year old can only handle so many presents at once.
I was surprised to learn that apparently one of the Aunts suggested we have another type of auspicious ritual for Shivali's birthday to celebrate the cleansing as well as bless her. Apparently it is a bad omen to even imply that ritual shouldn't happen after someone else suggests it, but I was pretty much ritualed out at that point. For whatever reason they decided the priest should come over again at 7am the next morning. Knowing we hardly ever go to bed before 11 or midnight, I wasn't sure how this would be possible but at least it would give me something to write about.
I woke up this morning around 6:30 and panicked for a second thinking I wouldn't have enough time to be ready (everyone in the house needs to be showered and the house should be clean before the priest comes). I quickly jumped into the shower thinking I would be one of the first done and then be able to lounge around. I shouldn't have been surprised upon existing our room to find everyone else still sleeping at 7am. They were shocked I was ready and Naked Uncle commented 'That is the reason her country runs so smoothly and ours is a mess' or something to that degree. The priest didn't show up until at least 11 this morning and this time I did feel bad for Roy who again couldn't eat before the ritual.
These rituals are shorter and less complicated and luckily involve no head shaving, big white bed sheets, or multiple hours on the floor. They do, however, involve a fire which is generally my favorite part. This time all various fruits were cut up and offered to the god, which will eventually be blessed and ours to eat. I was happy to see they got pomegranate and watermelon- yum.
It is always interesting to me to watch how into the rituals the older women are. Although I don't understand everything and it is a tad ritualistic for my taste, I always admire people with such passion and dedication to anything. They take the rituals every serious and cherish every item blessed by the priest like it is made of gold. It isn't until the priest leaves that everyone complains about him, including his lack of punctuality and his blunt request for additional fees. Like most things in India, even the ritual process is contradictory and confusing.
I guess tonight we are going out shopping, which I always enjoy. Still not sure what is going on the rest of the trip as I also learned the relatives are staying until the 15th which is just a day and a half before we leave. As always, I somehow manage to adjust and even find myself enjoying our interaction (although 99% through translation). We spent a large amount of time this morning (while waiting for the priest) talking about America and how things are done, how homes are built, money, food, etc. I truly appreciate their willingness and desire to learn about my world and never wanting to impose theirs on me.
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