Up North

Siliguri, India is where the groom Shubro is from and where the final wedding celebration took place on 2/14.  It was not possible for Roy's relatives to travel there (or desired, not sure which) due to them being in route back home or a health issue like Roy's dad so we were the designated relatives from Debika's side who would attend and represent the whole family.

Although I was tired and generally don't prefer to voluntarily fly (but I would take a 3 hr flight over a 3 day train ride like everyone else took - anyday), I was excited to see another part of the country and to join in the festivities.   I had purchased a sari for the occasion a few years back and have been dying to wear it ever since.  And Shubro's family was so warm and welcoming, I thought it would be really nice to see them again and meet even more of their relation.  Oh, and I was looking forward to a little piece of heaven in India- the 1 night stay at the best hotel in town per Tripadvisor.com. (which I would learn later is where all the celebrities stay if they come to the area- not bad)

I found Siliguri to have a totally different look and feel than Bangalore.  The air was clean and fresh, and although the mandatory insane traffic was present, there was a lot more open space and seemingly less population.   The people look more Asian than Indian to me, and seemed to stare less which is probably the result of so many tourists to popular spots near there like Darjeeling.

Luckily it still had some famous Indian oddities like non-auto rickshaw's and people who hitch a ride with anything they can find:

We checked into the Barsana hotel, which was very beautiful and appeared to be well maintained. Of course it was on a broken down street and we had a view of a garbage field, but you can't have it all.  

We did a little bit of pre-reception shopping and Roy stopped for a quick shave (cheaper and faster to have done in these little roadside shops vs do it yourself- cost Rs.15 or about 30 cents).  We went to their new big mall which I would learn later that even the groom hasn't been to yet and I saw this kid riding this electronic animal around the mall.  Not sure if he put a quarter in somewhere or how exactly this thing worked, but fun to watch nonetheless:

We finally arrived at the reception venue and was warmly greeted by everyone.  I met the whole family and felt a little bit like we might be the ones getting married!  We snacked and chatted with the relatives, but mostly I sat in this comfy chair next to Debika as she was feeling pretty lonely without any of her family around for the last few days.  It was up on a stage and all the 'audience' chairs faced in that direction so literally everyone was sitting and watching us, which was an unusual feeling- even for India.

Shubro's mom, me, Debika, and Shubro

My view from the stage

Overall, it was a really good time.  The wedding place was nice, although missing a lot of the details that I would personally like to see- such as screens on the windows to keep the mosquitoes out! And there were a ton of stray dogs barking and fighting outside on the street right outside the window where we were sitting, although as usual I was the only one who seemed to notice.   Here are some pics::

The Bride- Gorgeous as usual

The bride and groom

The entertainment committee- LOL

My last 48 hrs

Wow, home at last.  I should probably feel terrible, but I feel remarkably good for all the traveling I just completed.   My last 48 hrs looked something like this:

 It was a lot of fun to see Northern India (the region Roy is from) and observe the differences in people, climate, and scenery there as well as see Debika and Shubro one last time before we go.  (see next post for the full details)

The trip home was somewhat uneventful, just the way I like a flight to be.  We almost missed the flight in Chicago back to Green Bay due to Immigration and Customs line, but luckily made it without a second to spare.

My thoughtful and caring mother greeted us at the airport and had our home all heated up and stocked with some essentials, as she knows we basically will be just sleeping for the next couple days.  So great to be home!

Swimming in the Papaya field

Roy wanted to plan something extra special for Kaila's 19th Birthday, so when his friend Ravi suggested we go to his Aunt and Uncle's Country Farm overnight we thought it sounded like a lot of fun.  Ravi is a good guy and knows that we wouldn't be comfortable in a dump, so he assured us the place would be very nice and we would have a great time.  Apparently the Aunt and Uncle only go out there a few times a month, so the place would be ours.

When someone says country farm I have a vision of one of those big old plantation houses in the south with a long wrap around porch and lots of charm,  I was fairly certain that wasn't what we were going to, but my hopes were high.

So, last night we rented a travel van which seats about 12 and loaded up us 5, Mom and Dad, Ravi and Ageet (Roy's other close school friend) and headed what I was told was an hour North of Bangalore.   It was dark out, so i didn't get a good view of where we were going, but knew it was progressively getting higher and cooler.   We drove for what seemed like miles down a stone, rocky road off the highway until we got to a big fence with several barking dogs.  The house looked nice as far as I could tell from the outside, but it was late and honestly i was tired and just wanted to sleep.  The inside of the house was quite nice for India standards.  Just one bedroom and bathroom.  The house was well decorated, but in typical Indian style had what looked like an unfinished kitchen (it has been there for years) and virtually no living room furniture.  It did, however, have some cool details- take a look:

The last one is the house in the morning after I got a chance to look around.   I also heard there was a swimming pool which is quite unusual in India. Most people I know don't know how to swim and are afraid of water, so recreational swimming isn't very common here.  I was hopeful it would be nice, even though I knew I had to swim in my full clothes if I wanted to go.  

After a good night's sleep I was one of the first up, and was shocked when I walked outside to see these views:

This is a banana, mango, and papaya farm as well as  a country home for the couple who own it.  The air was so clean, and the breeze was so light and wonderful it made me wonder why we didn't come sooner and stay longer.   There was the most beautiful flowers and fruit everywhere, so I just had to take some pictures:

And animals:

And my favorite part of the day:

They didn't fill the pool all the way because water is sometimes scarce out there and although they will re-use this for watering the fields they didn't want to run that much water now, which was fine because these guys can't swim in that deep of water anyway! LOL

Well, we are off to Siliguri tomorrow for the wedding reception and then the next day home for just a few hours and off to the airport to head home.  As usual, I have mixed emotions.  The kids and I were discussing which food from home we want first- is it burgers, spaghetti, pizza, Chinese.  I would sell my soul to the devil for just a quick nap in my own bed, ok, would love a Butch's pizza next to me and a large curly fry. I may not get to write about Siliguri until we return home Friday evening.  Pray for me all goes well with the flights and we return in time for our flight home!
 



                                     
 

Favorite wedding time moments

As we are finishing all the cleaning up from the wedding, and the last remaining guests have left for home I wanted to share some of my favorite moments from this last week.  What I thought would be an awkward invasion of relatives that I didn't know and couldn't communicate with, has turned out to be a heart warming, enlightening experience for me.  I knew the challenge was big, and I gave it everything I had, and the feedback I have gotten has been amazing.  Roy's relatives are from a small town and only know of American people through movies or what they have heard, so obviously that doesn't always portray a great image for me as marrying the oldest grandson of this relation, but somehow they opened their hearts and looked past anything they thought they knew and I think Roy's mom summed it up best this morning when she conveyed their feelings about me as "bhalo, bhalo, bhalo" ....... love, love,  love.

So, onto my favorite moments:

1.)The night before the wedding, we hosted Shubro's whole family here for a wedding ritual and a dinner.  It was a packed house and we were all dressed up.  I had never met any of them before, and they were definitely curious about me.  I found them warm and welcoming (in some families, having an 'oddity' as someone married to a foreigner could be a deal breaker in the arranged marriage world) and we got along well.  At one point, Roy and I were standing in front of all of them and I almost wondered if they were waiting for me to make a speech. Roy's mom asked me how I was doing in Bengali and I responded my overly practiced phrase, to the amazement of all the relatives.  For the grand finale I pulled the Bengali phrasebook from my suitcase in which everyone responded in an eruption of applause.

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2.)The afternoon after the post wedding rituals, everyone came home and went to bed.  I had trouble sleeping and was wondering around when I decided to try and illustrate how many people were in our home.  Keep in mind, Indian people never wear shoes in the house but prefer to take off shoes and leave them outside.  I took the piles and lined them all up in an attempt to show the volume.

After I took this picture I walked back into the house and noticed a pile of apx 10 more pairs under the chair by the front door.

 

3.) During one of the religious pre-wedding ceremonies, Shivali must have gotten hungry and spotted one of her favorites- a big pile of nannies (bananas) just sitting there waiting to be eaten.  Before anyone could react, she ran up and grabbed one- but what she didn't realize they were in the process of being blessed (imagine running up grabbing a host from the plate on the church alter as the priest is turning them into the body of Jesus and running back to your seat to eat it- this is the equivalent)

Here is Shivali casing the ceremony and the evidence:

 

 

4.) One of my favorite people at the wedding was Roy's Dad's 2nd oldest sister's husband (I call her Weird uncle aunt, due to the fact that for many years she kept a gentlemen in her home that my husband refers to as Uncle, but he seemed more of a boy-toy to me, but I really don't understand the nature of their relationship but I know enough to call it weird)   When he first arrived, he would only walk past the bedroom where we were sitting and pull his glasses down and stare at us with his mouth open and not say a word.  Slowly, I learned he was quite entertaining and spoke some English so I spent more time with him.  He actually reminded me of my dad, only in a quiet form. He sat next to me at the wedding and narrated the whole time. I am really going to miss this guy:

Yesterday before they left, we went to a famous temple in Bangalore.  I had been there a few years ago, but clearly forgot about what it takes to get there.  Its up on a hill, so you take stairs and paths all the way there.  This guy is 78 years old, and somehow kept up the whole time, but on the way down I noticed he was getting very tired. Although his wife and daughter were there, they seem to leave him behind a lot.  I made a point to walk with him, and when I helped him to the cab they were taking back home he said- "You help me a lot, bless you".

 

 

5.) One of the pre-wedding ceremonies involved the smearing of turmeric paste on the bride.  I had always heard that this was done using the same paste that was smeared and scraped off the groom the day before, (although odd, I feel it is a romantic concept) but we didn't do it for some reason.  What I didn't realize is everyone was to get turmeric paste smeared on them!

 

6.)  I learned fast that South Africa Uncle was by far the most interesting uncle.  He worked in South Africa for some time, hence the name.  During the night we were all getting our henna done he was sitting there talking to us in what I call Roy's Mom and Dad's 'death-trap' chairs.  They are what anyone else would say are outside patio chairs that are way past their prime and frequently the legs split if someone weighing more than a buck sit in them.  He is a very animated character, so mid story the legs start splitting and he nearly falls and gets up and screams which only further enhances the rest of the story.   I really liked him, he's like a cartoon character.

 

7.) This morning as the last 4 guests were leaving, we walked downstairs to see them out. All of the aunts said something in Bengali to me and kissed my forehead in which I responded with the cultural touching of both of their feet.  It was discovered that the daughter of the Weird-uncle aunt did not put her bindi (red dot) on this morning which maybe was a bad traveling omen, but luckily I saved the day by ceremoniously peeling it from my forehead and sticking it on hers.  I said goodbye to my favorite Dadu (grandfather) from #4 above and off they were in the taxi.  In a moment worthy of a new Gone with the Wind ending, we all continuously waved as they drove down the street and around the corner.  I was truly a touching moment.

 

 

The Indian wedding doesn't disappoint

I knew it was going to be elaborate, but no clue the extent of it.  I think it will be best told through narrated pictures- trust me, it was truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

 

The bride Debika- doesn't she look incredible?

Gorgeous hair!

The wedding car

The wedding Mandap- a platform where the marriage happens

A sign Roy had made out of styrofoam- pretty cool

The bride waiting in her room for the wedding to start

The groom arrives in the wedding car

The tradition is that the groom should not walk on the ground until he reaches the Mandap....

So Roy carried him.



The groom- Shubro

My father in law sitting for some pre-wedding rituals

The groom changes and stands on a stone that the bride earlier stood on for some rituals. 7 married men then circle him with these flowers made from cloth which are lit on fire.

The bride is carried out on a platform with her face hidden with banana leaves. She then circles the groom 7 times.

They then 'see' each other for the first time (for some people it is really the first) while under the cloth of a deceased elder.

The wedding rituals begin, and go on for the next 2 hrs as guests come and go and eat and sit and basically carry on like nothing is happening.

The main Hindu sign of marriage- sindoor, a red powder is put on the part of her hair.  The first time the groom does it with his wedding ring, from that point forward the wife puts it on every morning that her husband is alive to show that she is under his protection.

Throwing the 'popcorn' we made the night before in this fire the priest made (he is the same priest in my original blog who lit that giant fire in our house as a family ritual was carried out)

Roy and his father looking very sharp. I purchased both of their suits without them present, and they both fit perfect with no alterations needed- how good am I?

Roy giving some final blessing

After the wedding, the groom's family bargains with the bride's family to let them in the bride's dressing room.

The next morning we returning (many of the aunts, mom and dad, and Roy spent the night there in the purpose of keeping the bride and groom apart- the tradition is not to spend anytime alone until night 3 after the wedding.)

The bride and groom circling the fire 7 times together.

Final blessings from mom

A special moment with Dad

The bride then throws more of that 'popcorn' over her shoulder into her mother's sari as symbol that she is thanking them for all the years they provided for her, but now her debt is paid.

A sad moment between sister's as Debika is now part of Shubro's family.

Brother saying goodbye, and then in the words of Roy's 78 year old uncle who narrated the whole wedding to me in broken English- "'Debika.....Cab.....Gone".

And with that, Shubro's family all left for the train station and we left for home.  It was beautiful, educational, and sad.  I think everyone is glad it is over, and luckily i will get to see her one more time in just a few days when we leave for Siliguri where the groom's family reception will take place.  Only Roy and I are attending so of course i will be taking lots of pictures!